Friday, March 04, 2005

Fuck Up

by AJ/Skald

So what do you do when you realize youve fucked up and made a stupid decision? Do you cut and run immediately? Do you tough out the situation and try to learn from it? Do you hang on and hope it gets better?

Such are my questions now as I face the boneheaded move of coming to Japan to teach full-time. Im a wage slave again. Turns out the school is very controlling. I "must" use their exact teaching method (which sucks)... no choice. Though I have years of experience and a Masters degree in the field, I cannot, apparently, be trusted with any sort of decision about teaching. This reminds me of Barnes & Noble. Or Wal-Mart. Follow the script, dont think, dont question, do what you are told. While all this is done in a very nice way (the people are quite friendly).. I feel stifled and suffocated.

Despite my many rants about freedom, freelancing, and the like-- I must admit that I copped out in search of a quick and easy buck. Whenever I do this, I am invariably punished by the Grand Hobopoet Gods: who continually tell me, "you will suffer whenever you make money your goal" (rather than a byproduct of pursuing a passion). So they are trying to pound that message through my thick skull yet again.

Which brings me back to the beginning-- what to do about it? When is it wisest to see things through? When is it smarter to cut your losses and run?

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