Taliban Gossip Hounds

by AJ/Skald

Women and gay men are often stereotyped as gossips. But the Christian Right strikes me as the most organized gossip circle in America. What are these people if not meddling gossip hounds? They are obsessed with what other people do. They want to peep into our bedrooms, pry into our books, look over our shoulders, interfere with our relationships. They have no life or business of their own so they spend their energies gossiping about people who are having more fun than they are.

These fuckers cant stand it that people choose to live differently than they do. Its not enough for me to smoke pot in the privacy of my own apartment... they want the gestapo to break down the door and throw me in a dungeon-- for daring to make my own choices.

William Burroughs classified people in two categories, //shits// and //Johnsons//. The Christian Taliban are shits. They are always looking to meddle in others lives. If two gay people decide to get married, these fuckers rush to cause them misery. If someone jerks off to pictures of naked women, they want to drag them out of their home.

These people are the worst kind of vermin. They make life very unpleasant for the Johnsons. A Johnson is someone who minds their own business. A Johnson is someone who lends a hand when asked-- but otherwise is too busy living to interfere with others. Hobopoets, Anarchists, Libertarians, Disciplined Hedonists, etc. are Johnsons (at least in theory).

Our problem is that we are too slow to fight. Our natural inclination is to live and let live. If Christians want to burn crosses, forbid their children from dancing, and believe idiotic Creationist theories... my first reaction is to shrug my shoulders and let them do as they like. Its their life. But these sad bastards are never content with living their own lives. They are determined to enforce their choices, by force, on the rest of us.

At that point, it becomes necessary to fight. At that point, the Johnsons must shed their characteristic amiability and come out swinging. There is no negotiating with the Taliban. You cant reason with them. You cant convince them. You cant charm them.

There is only one solution-- you must kick the shit out of them... inflict so much pain that they will hesitate to attack again.

I learned to practice this, on a very small scale, in Greenville, SC. The Taliban were always harassing me downtown. At first I tried to discuss things with them. I explained I was a Taoist/Buddhist [though not a very good one] but they kept at me. I tried politely turning them away... but that only energized them. Finally I learned to be blunt and rude. My standard line was, //Im not a Christian and I dont want to be one//. Usually that surprised them enough for me to escape. If they still persisted, I added //Fuck off//.

That usually did the trick. Our collective challenge now, I think, is to tell the Christian Taliban (rudely, with no compromise) exactly the same thing: //Fuck off//.