by AJ/Skald
This work situation may prove more beneficial than I first imagined. It is awakening a powerful force in me-- righteous anger. My defiance is awakening. My passion is awakening. My ferocity is awakening.
The last time this happened was in 2001. Six months of misery and wage slavery produced enough rage to power me for four years. Four years of car living, van living, part time working, wandering, writing, drifting, and general hobopoet living.
Maybe I'd gotten too fat and lazy. Maybe the well of righteous anger had run dry. Maybe I need to be reminded just how evil wage slavery is. Maybe I need to be reminded just why I chose a hobopoet life. Maybe I need to awaken that energy, rage, defiance, and ferocity again. Five more months of this and I'll be ready to burn down the school and bulldoze anyone who gets in my way. Five more months of this and I'll be ready to annihilate anything and anyone who tries to cage me.
I feel it growing and, oddly, it feels good. I trust my rage. It has never failed me. It pushes me where I need to go. It doesn't allow me to remain caged for long. It inspires me and demands that I pursue my bliss. The second I depart off that path it returns with fury and builds relentlessly. I don't need to psych myself up. I don't need to make elaborate conscious plans. Rage will do the work for me.
It will dog me. It will plague me. It will not rest, it will not sleep, it will not pause until I am firmly back on my own path again.
For now I will let it stew... let it grow.
But a day of reckoning is on the horizon.
Wage slavers beware.
2 comments:
I've been reading your blog for a few weeks. I think I remember reading you were a Buddhist. You might want to contemplate the meaning of this quote:
Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. -Wu Li
Evelyn Rodriguez
http://evelynrodriguez.typepad.com
This post has generated several concerned emails in addition to the comments. Thanks-- and no worries, Im not going to go postal! And you all are correct... rage that is pushed down for too long does terrible things to you.
My point, I suppose, is that it need not be repressed... or even be labeled as something bad. For me, anger is often a barometer-- it tells me when Im straying from what brings me happiness and bliss... when Im not living a life of integrity--- that is, a life in line with my principles.
This can generate great energy. Gandhi wrote often of the power of anger- of how he channeled that energy towards positive ends. Thats key, I think.
Your comments have reminded me of that-- that its not enough to be angry. Ive got to think what its trying to tell me and use it for a postive purpose. Maybe that means leaving. Maybe it means doing something different here. Maybe it means I need to confront folks. Maybe I need a radical change.
I am contemplating each of these options. Anger gives me energy and motivation to do so. Thus it points me towards personal power rather than feeling helpless
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