by Skald

The game world, as Leary called it... the world of human society and human interaction. Easy to forget its only a tiny slice of life, the universe, and everything. Our conditioning teaches us to myopically focus on human society. We read the newspaper, watch TV news, and stay up to date on "current events". We fret and worry about the doings of far away people. We become enraged by the actions of leaders.... we bemoan the state of "the world". We feel these events are important... vital. But perhaps they are less significant than we imagine. Thoreau considered all "news" to be gossip and nothing more.

Easy to forget. To become lost in language and symbols. Its easy to be a pessimist if human gossip consumes your mind.

But other worlds and other worldviews exist. In the vast, cosmic, Carl Sagan sense.... human society appears barely significant. Could there be far bigger, and more intimate, issues than what's happening in Iraq? As a society, Americans tend to shun big issues. They steer away from questions of life and death. They avoid thinking about disease, impermanence, interconnectedness. They strap on the blinders and firmly avoid a wider perspective.

But while scary..... there are practical, game-world benefits to contemplation: thinking about the nature of life and death, detaching from human society for a while, taking a respite from language.

These activities put the game-world in perspective... allow us to be less emotionally tied to its outcomes. Optimism tends to flower when this occurs...... because its easier to be an optimist when humanity is not your only benchmark.

Quite amazing, really, how narrow and backwater our perspective is. Scientist and philosophers have given us a glimpse into the infinite: billions of galaxies... each with billions of stars and planets. Infinite, non-local connections. Awesome internal vistas of the mind.... infinite sky mind at large. Matter and energy dancing, flowing... winking in and out of existence. Our own species... spinning in a millions-of-years evolutionary dance.

But what occupies our minds on a daily basis?

How many widgets can we sell? How many numbers are in our bank account? What some jackass in Washington is doing?

Avoidance and escape-- the roots of America's tragedy.

Authority

by Skald

Ive been accused of "having a problem with authority". But thats not quite true. The truth is, I dont even understand the concept of authority. It baffles me that people give more weight to other people than to themselves. It baffles me that they trust other people's judgement more than their own.

Many people seem to place importance on arbitrary titles... such as "boss", "president", "teacher", "student", "client". I do my best to pay lip-service to these roles... but at heart I just see people. I dont see much difference between the "boss" and the "employee". Or the teacher and student.

In the end, I instinctively feel I have the right to do whatever I want to do. How can anyone be more of an "authority" on my life than me? How can I expect them to know what is best for me?

Deference to authority strikes me as infantile... a failure to advance beyond childhood. Obedient people are emotional retards who never learned to take responsibility for their own lives. They disguise their infantile state with appeals to "morality", "patriotism", "responsibility", "maturity", etc. But at heart they are cowards or simpletons.

They love to quote "them".... "the experts". They live by "conventional wisdom"....... by the accepted "rules" of society or media. And they trust these sources more than their own experience. They love to say things like, "you cant do that"... or "you must do this".

Its not only a tragic stance on life... its vaguely pathetic. Where do all these rules come from? And why do so many accept them without question?

Simply put, there are no authorities. No one knows better than you. And no one is better than you. The concept of authority is, at its root, a demeaning one.... a lie... a control mechanism and nothing more.

Recognize no authority but your own.

Just Let Go!

by Skald

"Stop trying to control things and just let go....!"

--from Fight Club

This line from Fight Club is my new mantra. Its a very strange thing.. the way culture and environment effect us. Since returning to America Ive felt a surge of anxiety. The rules of the culture awaken... start chatting in my head. I find that Im criticizing myself all the time (for my "irresponsible") hobopoet lifestyle. I feel more timid... and doubts plague me.

After a month of doubt and stress, I began to question my sanity... just what the hell was going on? Where was the confidence Id had prior to coming here? Where was the audacity? The trust in my self...?

As I thought of this, one phrase came to mind: "Anxiety Culture". I followed the link to the website of that same name and found my mental state mapped out in great detail: guilt, worry, distraction, doubt.

Culture is powerful. In truth, we are not domesticated by violent methods. We are domesticated by belief systems... systems of thought that work to undermine our independence, our defiance, our natural ease. I rarely felt these systems in Thailand... a blessing of being a foreigner who did not speak the language. But as soon as I landed in my home country, they kicked in with a ferocity I didnt expect.

And they are still with me... now requiring great mental effort and discipline to root out. Though Im employed and have food and shelter and basic needs met... powerful anxiety lingers. "What if I lose my job?" (always a risk for me). "What if I can't make new friends... can I be successful socially in such a materialistic culture"? "How can I save more money and have more financial security?", "How much should I conform... or pretend to conform?", "Do I dare reveal my true feelings, thoughts, and actions to anyone here?"..... on and on and on. Some based on rational risk assessments... some completely irrational (yet very powerful).

Im sure most people have had these thoughts and feelings... and Im sure most people attribute them to personal psychology. That was my first instinct... but now Im not so sure. Why was I so much more relaxed in Thailand.... with dwindling cash? Why did these insecurities kick in so powerfully the instant I landed in the US? And why do they persist so stubbornly despite my relatively safe situation now?

Media and culture are my prime suspects. Uncharacteristically, I have watched a bit of TV since landing here... (a huge mistake I have since corrected). I also have no connection to like-minded hobopoets here. Not only do I feel foreign and alien... I feel "wrong".

Which brings me back to Fight Club. There is tremendous wisdom and power in that line. Just Let Go. I may indeed lose my job. I may indeed be forced out of my apt. as a result. I may indeed fail to connect with people here. I may go completely broke.

And so what? These are not things I normally worry about.... (being blessed with a family that would never let me starve... and two degrees that allow me to find income quickly... almost anywhere).

External enemies are easy to blame. So easy to rant about "George Bush", or "Iraq", or even "work". But its our minds that give them power. Its the guilt, insecurity, doubt, and distraction that ultimately ensure our alienation... and our obedience.

And so it is the mind that is truly the battle ground... where the root of this work-consume-die sickness begins.

And ends.

Salsa

by Skald

Had a fantastic New Years eve last night.... brought in the new year at a salsa club.... shuffling like Mr. Roboto as others spun, twirled, and grooved. But what the fuck... the music was great. And Im hooked. Already thinking of taking salsa lessons. After two years in Asia.. Im ready for some salsa boogie in my life.

Last night was another illustration of SF's amazing diversity... latin music... but the dance floor was a UN assembly of nationalities/cultures. There's major mojo there.... in that blend. Its unique, few places on earth have this many cultures, religions, sexual orientations, etc. peacefully coexisting, cooperating, dancing together, dating, working, and thriving.

For all my viceral criticisms of the good ole USA, this is one aspect of America that I love. This is our power! This is our promise! And this is our future...( if we have one )!

Tear down the fences. Open the borders!

New Year, New City

by Skald

The clouds just broke.... rain tailing off... sun suddenly lights the streets of SF.

New Years Eve, 2005. A new year begins tonight, and once again I find myself in a new city... starting over. Im forever starting over.

While I adjust to this new place, I find that I am most grateful for friends Ive made all over the globe. Im grateful that now, thanks to the internet, email, Skype, etc... I am able to stay in contact with them. They have supported me from afar... helped me to deal with the loneliness and stress that inevitably comes with moviing.

For me, the best part of this technology is the relationships it makes possible... that I can stay connected to dear friends in Thailand, Japan, Malaysia, Europe, and Georgia.

Thanks to all of you.

And Happy New Year!

Among the Heretics

by Skald

Restless night downtown... sounds of drunks and sirens woke me frequently.... yet strangely happy to be among the mess of humanity. The suburban quiet in south of Mission was killing me.

Now Im where I belong, among the homeless, drunks, weirdos, freaks, and lonely souls. And so the city is growing on me. While this is America... there is something different about this place. SF in some ways seems to be its own little city-state-- far, far removed from realities in Georgia. In SF we've got legal pot clubs, and the most diverse population Ive ever seen in the United States.

Is it a coincidence that the Bay Area is a super-charged economic dynamo of innovation? That the cutting edge tech sector calls it home?

I doubt it. Diversity is SF's power source. Strolling its streets, I hear more foreign languages than I hear English. I see more Asian, Latino, and "Black" faces than "white".


At least there is one such place.

Bread & Circus

Thoughts from a European Hobopoet reader:

Hello Skald,

Just wanted to check in with you and let you know I can totally relate to what you're saying. The worthlessness of some of the things people concern themselves with is a big laughing point of western culture to me. It's by no means an American phenomenon though -- it's a generally western one. People in Germany watch game shows and informercials with the same fervour Brits use to read celebrity magazines, so do Norwegians or Australians.

Recently I got a job working for a company which acts as a broker between paparazzi and glossy celebrity magazines you find in your grocery checkout aisle. I work their IT systems and don't concern myself with the nature of the businesses I work for too much. At the end of the day I think of myself as a "digital plumber" and whether it's stock trades or pictures of Kylie Minogues' ass being sent down the wire doesn't matter. It's all the same to me.

But I've done some thinking on the subject, as you do. I believe you can file the whole stupid celebrity phenomenon under the "Bread & Circuses" category. But in some way it pisses me off.

People are getting killed in Iraq and elsewhere, right as you read this. Corporations are taking over the planet. The environment is being destroyed at an alarming rate. Species are going extinct every day and they are never coming back. Billions of people are living in abject poverty and all you can concert yourself with is... how Britney Spear's marriage is going? Aren't there more important things you could be reading about? When I see a person on the bus reading these trash magazines I have to fight a strong urge to slap it out of their hand and yell "Wake up! There are more important things happening in the world right now than this shit!"

But, people are free, and this means free to be as stupid to be as they'd like. They do their thing and I do mine. I consider it
bubblegum for the mind. Whatever...

I dig what you said about stupid posturing. Check the attached video. It's the ultimate example of retarded posing, possibly the best I've ever seen. Do something that's stupid enough to begin with and then fuck it up, only to try to act all cool about it afterwards trying to appear "tough". Especially check the comments near the end of the video.

Skald, for thinking, feeling people like us it's hard to accept we live in a world full of idiots, and even harder to find a niche in it that makes us happy. Please continue to write about how you get on on your quest, as it might give me clues on how to persevere on mine.

The Rich and The Wretched

by Skald

The streets of SF really are mean... at least for the thousands of homeless people who scrape by on the sidewalks. I was almost among them. And that was quite terrifying.

In the past I experimented with what I called voluntary homelessness. The word "voluntary" is extremely important. I chose to live in my vehicle. Thus, I had enough money to buy a vehicle in the first place... and keep it maintained. I also had the time to outfit it for living (blacked out windows, bed and storage containers, extra battery, electric fan, etc.). While difficult at times, in general I enjoyed both of my car/van living experiences.

And thats what I should really call them.. because I was not really "homeless". I had a home-- my vehicle. While tiny, the car/van still gave me privacy, shelter from rain. a place to keep my stuff, and a safe (locked) place to sleep.

Involuntary homeless people, living on the street, have none of these. They are exposed. To the weather. To the whims of the police. To criminals and hustlers. Its a mean existence.... just look into their faces. Most look worn, lined, and desperate.

I was nearly among them. In two weeks I must vacate my friends place.. where Ive been sleeping on a couch (his roommate wants me out). I was (and am) broke... and living in the city with perhaps the highest rent in the world. Over the last two weeks, my apartment search became panicked. I began to contemplate life on the street. Where would I sleep? Would I get hassled?

And how in the world would I keep my job... without a place to shower and keep clean clothes?

Yesterday, thanks to a tip from a student, I found an affordable place. I dodged the bullet and will not become homeless.

But in a strange way I am grateful for the terror.... for it made me much more sensitive to what the hordes of SF homeless are going through. How can they survive in a city where 800 a month is considered dirt cheap (and dont forget the additional 800-1500 required deposit to move in,... plus most places do credit checks)? How do they get by, day to day?

And how in the hell do they dig themselves out of that situation? For thousands and thousands of people here, there simply is no affordable housing. Worse, after a few weeks on the street, homeless people take on a dirty and disheveled appearance... making job hunting nearly impossible.

And so you see them everywhere... usually congregated near upscale shopping areas. They hold out a cup to the city's wealthy. But few give them more than an annoying scowl.

Nor is the city helping... rents just keep climbing and climbing.

I have heard and read many times that SF is at the cutting edge of America... that what starts here often spreads across the country. If true, we can all look forward to an ever widening gulf between the well-off and the impoverished.

Which is kind of ironic. Countries like India and China are growing.... but we are heading towards Indianization-- a small group of very wealthy people (say 40% of the population)... and a large group of ever more desperate strugglers.

The so called "third world" is rising. And we are falling fast.

Fury

by Skald

Im trying to contain my fury... but its not working.

To be blunt-- I dont like America and Im not thrilled about being here. Everyday I ask myself, "why am I back here?". At first I tried to convince myself that it was a good decision. But Im running out of believable positive answers.

What I see is a civilization in its death throes. Some Americans ask, "Why do they hate us?". Im amazed when I ponder, "Why dont they ALL hate us?" Just what the hell do some foreigners admire? In truth... mostly its an image of boundless wealth. In other words, lies and propaganda.

My first impressions are of a sick, infantile society. Americans... and particularly American men... strike me as emotionally and intellectually retarded compared to their Asian peers. My "conversations" with men here have been confined to the following topics:

Dumbass jokes about bodily functions... not unsimilar to the conversations I had when I was 12 years old.
Vile demeaning comments about women.
Idiotic posturing to appear "cool".
Jokes about "fags" or "homos" (which always makes me suspect the teller is repressing something :)
Endless chatter about media virtual-reality (bands, movies, TV shows)... ie. "Did you see Survivor last night. Wow"

That pretty much covers it. I return to my own country... where everyone speaks my native language... and find I have nothing to say to people.... and can't bear to listen to them. I had much better conversations in Thailand and Japan.. with non-native English speakers. They may have struggled for words, but they had ideas. Americans, on the other hand, talk all the time... but say nothing. And so I find myself sitting silently... Occasionally shaking my head and wondering, "How can grown men act like this?"

To escape the awkward silence, the guys will often turn on the TV. Last time, they switched on Comedy Central. For three hours I was bombarded with despicable "jokes" about ethnic stereotypes and insulting comments about women.... this is the American norm for "comedy".

When I walk outside, everywhere I look I see fat people.... overweight, self-indulgent, spoiled, bratty, impatient, cranky.

Within the country, Americans cling to the notion that they live in "the best country in the world". For decades, their immensely powerful media convinced a lot of foreigners of this notion too. But no longer. Americans may still believe the bullshit, but the rest of the world is waking up to the truth. In Europe. In the Middle East. In Latin America. In Asia.

They are seeing what I see. And it aint pretty.

Poverty, Deprivation, Surface Wealth, Diversity

by Skald

SF is a great and wretched city. My first nervous impressions: hordes of beggars, bums, and homeless people filtered throughout the downtown area. Compared to their Thai and Japanese peers, these folks seem more beaten... more aggressive... less dignified.

They gather in clusters in the Van Ness/Civic Center area. Some have signs. Some approach you. Many approach you.

They tend to be blunt-- with attitude. In Athens, most beggars either sat quietly, or offered a sad story. Generally, they were polite (now theres a nice Southern trait). But the folks here border on unfriendly. When Ive declined to give, some mutter or grumble under their breath.

Then there are the stories of crime. My good friend was beaten up by a group of guys in the Mission district. A Thai student at my school was robbed, in his apartment, at gunpoint.

After two years in Thailand and Japan... this place FEELS dangerous. I can now imagine how Asian tourists perceive American cities... and why they have the impression that this is a dangerous country (which it is, compared to most Asian countries).

This collection of human misery is in the middle of the upscale core of the city. These folks shuffle along in front of Macy's, The Apple Store, Old Navy, etc.. Wealthy Californians and tourists stroll side by side with the poorest of the poor. Its a sad situation. Hard not to ask, "Cant a little of this wealth be diverted to help these people?" (I suppose we need all the money we can get to keep the Iraqis under our thumbs).

Finally, a very positive observation. SF is an extremely diverse city. In many ways, its a mix of Asia and American. The Asian population is huge here. Huge! In some neighborhoods its easy to imagine that Im back in Japan or Thailand. In addition to the many Asian-Americans and Asian immigrants, there is also a huge Latino population (mostly concentrated in The Mission, it seems).

Of course there are many African-Americans... and the city is rightfully famous for its large and diverse Gay population.

The diversity, and the international flavor of the place, is why Im here.

SF is the progressive, multi-cultural, leading-edge capital of America. And while the worst of the country's poverty and inequality is on display here.. so too is the promise of a new America... one that finally embraces the potential of its immigrant roots.

Welcome to SF

by Skald

Jet lagged, tinged with lysergic acid,.... stumbling through the Mission District. Dodging drunks and junkies till we reach Delirium... right through the rabbit hole. I sit in rapturous stupor-- perma-grin. A wild Asian girl flirts with me, motions me to dance, tells me Im old, scoffs at me, then flirts again.... I remain silent, motionless, and bewildered throughout the drama.

As we leave, this same girl and her friend get in a hair-pullling, fist-swinging fight with another girl outside the bar. Guys come to the entrance and laugh... egg them on. One yells, "I love this bar".

I dont. The attitude, cockiness, poverty, and violence are too much for me right now.. just off the plane from Asia. I miss the gentler streets of Bangkok & Osaka. I miss the gentler people.

Other than the obscene fatness of folks, what strikes me first about America is the anger and violence. Everyone seems annoyed or pissed off. Theres a kind of strutting attitude. Its there in the self-righteous liberal cyclists... who scream at any car that dares "cut them off". Its there in the aggresive panhandlers... who mumble insults at those who dont give them money.

What is the source of this anger? Materially, these people have far more than the Thais... even more than the Japanese. But maybe thats the point. Americans have invested their lives in THINGS. Not people. Not each other.

Another immediate impression was how lonely and desolate America feels. This is a major US city, but it feels empty to me. There are hardly any people walking on the street. Everyone is sealed up in their cars.. safe from everyone else. Bangkok's streets are full of people. So too Osaka's. And even Hiroshima's. My little Bangkok neighborhood, late at night, had more people walking around than does my friend's SF neighborhood... at peak daytime.

Where are all the people? Why are they so spread out? Why do they hide in their homes and cars?

At first impression, America seems a ghostly place. Spread out. Mechanized. Lonely.

Starting Over

by Skald

One thing about the Hobopoet life.. its rarely dull. Not much routine. These last two years are the closest Ive come to "stability" in quite a while... but they too have been marked by constant change.

And now another big one is on the horizon. While my external circumstances are definitely changing... the biggest near-future challenge for me is an internal one.

Up till now, Ive devoted my energies to escape. Ive successfully escaped full time wage slavery. Ive learned to live simply. Ive DRASTICALLY reduced the need to work... while drastically improving the freedom to work ratio. As a result, each year has been more enjoyable. Im more enthusiastic and energetic than Ive ever been. In short, Im having a great time.

But there's been something missing. Up till now, Ive needed to focus on resistence and escape. But that phase is closing. Ive been successful.... there's no use beating that horse forever.

Now that Ive destroyed the old wage slave life, I can move on to creating something. It is time to create an independent freelance income. It is time to become truly self-reliant. It is time to completely break free from bosses in all their forms.

When I first broke from all semblance of living a "mainstream" life, I was terrified. I admit it. Just prior to my first experience at car living.. I was nervous, afraid, stressed, worried. A million bogie-men filled my thoughts. I imagined failure and humiliation. I imagined misery. I knew I would become undatable and doomed to loneliness. I admire people who face such challenges with bravado and audacity. But Im not one of them. My bravado comes after the fact!

And so, as I face this next big challenge, I am again terrified. I again imagine horrible failure and humiliation. I doubt my ability to earn a freelance income. I worry that I will be hungry. I worry that Ill be forced into fulltime wage slavery and have to eat all my words here on Hobopoet. I can already hear the critics and devil's advocates saying, "I told you so".

Luckily, Ive been here before. At the beginning of an enterprise, I lack bravado and I lack courage. I lack confidence.

But I do have one ally that has continuously seen me through--

Stubborn persistence.

Lacking brains, guts, and talent... I know I can always depend on persistence to push me through the doubts.

No Shore

by Skald

Listen to: The Audio

No shore, no arrival. They spend there lives working, to buy things,
to fill in the space.

No arrival. Isnt Rollins right. Isnt that much of our problem.. we keep imagining that we will "arrive". We will arrive at success. We will arrive at "the answer". We will arrive at love... or greatness.. or happiness... or contentment.

But we won't. There is no arrival point. As soon as you "get there" you are already moving on. Every experienced traveler knows this... there's no stopping point. If the mystics, psychedelic freaks, out-there physicists, and other crazies are right... death is not even an arrival point.

"Going from, towards"

Thats how Thoreau described life. Always and ever moving on. Always and ever traveling. Much of the misery we see around us is caused by resistence to this truth. So many people desperately trying to arrive. So many trying to cling to surety and "security".

In the name of security, they squander their vitality. They close their eyes to their own glorious visions... and they abandon their deepest desires and dreams. They live half-lives.

They imagine that they are secure because they have job-security, a good retirement plan, a paid off mortgage.

Of course they are delusional. They are one accident away from crisis. One layoff. One health crisis. One uncontrollable change.

They will not escape these things. In trying to, they only escape their lives, their dreams,... the mystery and euphoria of chaos, change, growth, challenge, engagement.

Rollins is right, there is no shore.

But there IS a magnificent, glorious, beautiful, terrifying, never-ending dance.........

Join it.

The Freelance Chronicles

by Skald

Im going for it. I am finally going to build a 100% freelance income. No more wage slavery and no more bosses. Enough bitching about the problem, time to work on the solution.

Over the next few months/years I will chronicle my efforts. The failures. The inevitable difficulties and frustrations. The tactics. The strategies.

I hope to be as specific as possible about my efforts to build an independent income and live an independent life. Thus far, Ive focused on the simplicity side of the equation.. reducing needs.

But Ive taken that as far as I wish to go... Ive found my "enough" level. Its a level that still demands some income. So my efforts now will be on getting that income as a freelancer.

The rough plan:

Freelance Teaching: Long term.. I hope to build a sustainable living income from teaching English to foreigners and immigrants. To maintain and promote my nomadic lifestyle, I plan to build much of this through distance learning.... using the internet, Skype conferences, and other tools to serve students all over the world.

My aim is to build a group of international students... and connect with them from anywhere in the world via high-speed internet. Thus, if I want to move to South America... I just go, get a high speed hookup, and continue as normal.

This will take time to build. Ill chronicle my efforts here. In addition to distance students, I will recruit independent students in whatever city I happen to be living in.

Freelance Teaching Strategy: For Hobopoets, traditional "business" strategies dont make sense. We dont have the cash for mega investment. No one wants to loan us money. We can't afford advertising.

We must be bootstrappers with a capital "B". We must start with absolutely nothing (sometimes this means starting without even a home).

So forget retail shops. Forget restaurants or traditional schools or anything that requires a building with a lease and rent. Forget anything that requires lots of upfront money (and for us, "lots" aint much).

Forget anything with large startup costs. Forget anything that depends on selling large volumes of "stuff".

The Hobopoet way is not BIG... its small. Micro. TINY.

I will focus my teaching efforts on a tiny micro niche (net-savvy subversives and misfits who want to learn English.. people who hate traditional education) These are the folks that traditional schools label "strange", "loners", "difficult", "contrary", "troublemakers", "don't fit in".

I will focus solely on customized courses for these people. That is, I will create a course for each individual student or semi-private group (4 students max). I will not have classrooms... I will teach via the net... or in cafes.. or in homes (ideally over a cup of coffe or a beer).

I have no need to compete with mega schools or programs... By offering hyper-customized courses... by being human, personal, and real... by using methods completely at odds with traditional education... by seeking the students they fear... and by having low financial needs... I eliminate the ability of these schools to compete with me. Indeed, they have no need or desire to do so.

I aim to serve what my friend Shiori calls "Blue Ogres"... the weird, the independent, the deviants, the creative, the odd, the sensitive (ie. people like me).

I aim only to provide remarkable courses to remarkable people.

Ill leave mediocre students to the mediocre schools.

Thats the freelance teaching strategy in a nutshell.

The first trick, of course, is finding these students. The second trick is attracting a few to give me a try. The third is to kick ass and win them over.

Meanwhile, I have to eat. So in addition to this noble sounding plan... I will be bartering, finding odd jobs, taking Part time work, donating sperm :), writing freelance articles... and scrounging income any way I can.

To be continued......

Masturbation and the Joys of Freelancing

by Skald

[Yes, read with tongue in cheek ;) ]

I find myself, finally, a fulltime freelancing Hobopoet. Seems my toleration for traditional employment (wage slavery) has nearly bottomed out. Just can't do that shit anymore. Bowing and scraping. Ducking from the boss. Filling out forms.

Kerouac summed it up best: "The problem with work is that you are always doing someone else's".

Amen St. Jack!

Not that this situation doesn't contain a large dose of humor. I can't help but laugh when I think of the speed with which I've shifted from disreputable van living Hobopoet, to "respectable" university instructor, to dangerous thought criminal, to, once again, disreputable Hobopoet & freelancer. What a ride!

And the fun continues. Im now locked on starting my own English teaching program... to become, finally, a freelancer and only a freelancer.

Building that will take time,... but I find Im in no mood to chase yet another rat-race job. Instead, Ill do this startup the Hobopoet way... by living in my vehicle and making supplementary income until the English program takes off.

My supplementary income will come from two primary sources. One- I will write freelance. This'll provide a few paltry dollars, but not much.

Which is why Ive decided on part time "job" number two: professional masturbator. Yep, seems you can make a reasonable income from masturbating. I've found a few clinics that are offering $65 a pop for sperm donations... and they want twice a week donations with a one year commitment. I normally dont like contracts, but I think this is a responsibility I can handle. After all, Ive maintained that rate of activity for free for years and years.

This week, Ive been doing research on sperm count... how to increase it. If Im going to be a professional, Ive got to do this right. Ill be laying off the caffeine, exercising regularly, and supplementing my diet with zinc, vitamins, and certain amino acids. I hope to "work" for at least two clinics... thus generating $260 dollars a week. To do that, Ive got to stay in good shape!

The great thing is, I can easily live off that amount of money by become a car dweller once again. I've got a friend who is willing to let me park at his place and use his shower (the two biggest hassles of my last experience). I've got a laptop.... with access to free wifi. Ill get a cell phone as soon as I arrive in town. All the essentials, in other words.

Maybe I should get a business card made... just in case I come across other clinicians that need my services.

Skald Hareksson
Professional Masturbator

The Over & Under Worlds

by Skald

Tim Leary, in typical pithy fashion, wrote that there are always two societies in any country or culture: the "cop outs" and the "drop outs". He also called these two the overworld and the underworld.

The cop outs are the established "game system". They make rules and are always in search of order, control, and stability. The cop outs dont like change. Most upstanding good citizens fall into this category. This group, according to Leary, has always existed in human society and probably always will.

The drop outs are the deviants, the rebels, the malcontents, the "fast mutators", the mystics, the innovators. Drop outs subvert, change, and or break the rules. They search for freedom, chaos, growth, and evolution. They are constantly trying to push the bigger system to another level. According to Leary, this group has likewise existed throughout human history, and probably always will.

Clearly, Leary was a drop out. But what I love is his recognition that both groups are necessary for the wider ecological human system. Im a drop out too... but I can appreciate that a bit of stability is necessary. Most humans simply cannot handle non-stop change. They need a breather. They need some islands in the storm. Even drop outs need this, though considerably less than the cop outs.

On the other hand, the conformist society absolutely needs the drop outs too. Drop outs drive the evolution of the species. The fast mutators keep all of us fit and adaptable. Drop outs push us onward, destroy disfunctioning systems, and make life a lot more fun.

Its good to accept this dynamic. Its easy for deviants to get snared by uncontrolled anger. They rail against the system... and descend into bitterness when change does not happen fast enough (or at all). Ive known a few people like this and they are a sad sight.

I think Leary presents a much healthier model for drop outs. To his death (indeed, including the process of his dying), Leary continued to challenge the system. He was bold, audacious, and irreverant. But he always maintained a sense of humor. When he said, "screw you" to the system,... he always did so with a wink and a grin. Leary radiated happiness, compassion, and humor (The guy even developed a quasi friendship with G. Gordan Liddy for goddsake)!!

As I move on from my own brush with the "cop outs"... I try to remember Leary and hope I can maintain his same sense of optimism and compassion.

Thanks for the Publicity!

by Skald

Thammasat University's BAS program has gone Orwellian on me. My students are emailing me in droves. They tell me the departments administration has forbidden them to read my teaching blog, or email me, or have any contact with me whatsoever. Apparently, they were also told that my blog(s) would be "removed" (presumably access would be blocked on Thammasat U. computers).

In addition, they are now monitoring my students' blogs.

Wow! What started as just another brush with bureaucracy has become some kind of weird censorship campaign... the thought police are on the move!

While I obviously dont condone their actions, I cant help but be bemused. Because the more they do these kind of things, the more they draw attention to the blog, and the more people (including students) are coming to read it.

And these people are writing me (the dept. will have a tough time preventing that, I imagine). My inbox is filling rapidly... emails coming in faster than I can read them.

So here we have it... the classic authoritative, command and control response: attempt to silence those you do not like. If that cannot be done, attempt to intimidate the less bold.

And here, also, we have a lesson in the way the game has changed...

"Command and control", meet the world wide web!

Chaos

by Skald

I have this addiction to chaos. I love it when Im a bit anxious. Its a sickness, okay. But it works for me. And the older I get, the more I need what upsets me, shocks me, makes me squirm, or get angry. The older I get, the more I value what forces me to take a second look. The more I respect people who dont automatically respect me.

Chaos does this amazing thing that order can't: it engages you. It gets right in your face and with freakish breath issues a challenge. It asks stuff of you, order never will. And it shows you stuff, all the weird shit, that order tries to hide. Chaos is the only thing that honestly wants you to grow. The only friend who really helps you be creative. Demands that you be creative.

-- Dan Wieden

I have the same addiction. After a short "what have I done?" moment... I find that the chaos and uncertainty of my situation is incredibly motivating and inspiring.

Im free. Free! Free with all the euphoria and fear that state brings. Euphoric to be master of my own fate again. Scared shitless because now I actually have to DO something.. not just talk and complain.

This is as it should be. For far too long Ive cast myself in a resistence role... embedded in one lumbering bureaucratic system after another-- raging at the machine. Ive learned plenty from these experiences but its easy to take shots at these organizations. And in the end, it accomplishes little.

While opposition, subversion, destruction, and unlearning may be the first steps- eventually youve got to create something.

Professional critics, after all, are loathesome creatures. They are usually people who are too timid to write their own book, make their own movie, or create their own program (ouch, guilty as charged!).

For a while, Ive been one of them. I copped out... settled into the critics role of "I know better than them". That may be true, but who cares?

The question that matters is, "Can I DO better than them?"

And that remains to be seen.

A Hobopoet Again!

by Skald

Well, Im back on the trail again. Ive been fired/quit from Thammasat-- seems I had considerably less autonomy than I first thought (is anyone surprised by this)! While there were a few issues, the kicker was that the "TU authorities" found my teaching blog... and then presumably found their way to Hobopoet via my profile.

Well, I cant say Im too surprised. Nor can I claim to be upset. Ive known for a long time that a conservative bureaucracy was no place for me... and while the illusion of semi-autonomy was nice for a while.... reality was bound to intrude.

And so......

No job.

No money.

No problem!

Its time to put my money (ie. making an income) where my mouth is... finally. Time to take that scary leap into freelancing... build my own means of making income.... without bosses. I claim to know better than the bureaucrats-- well, at long last its time to put that assertion to the test.

Ive also been fond of telling my students "Do something great!!" (telling, instead of doing... in classic teacher form). Well, its now time to see if I can follow that advice.

In the short term there will be lean days ahead..... ramen noodles, PT jobs for food income... perhaps another stint of van living.

But its preferable to wage slavery and compromising my life.

As Ive warned many times.. once you taste freedom and autonomy- there's no going back.

Too Wired!

by Skald

Im wired.... have been in an unstoppable manic phase for quite a while... with most of the energy channeled into teaching & my teaching blog. With my mind and body buzzing on these topics, Ive found it difficult to write much about travel & other Hobopoet themes (thus the scarce posts).

Ive also been far too wired to machines. I need a break from ringing cell phones and email and blogging and websites. These are great tools, but all things in moderation.

I finally have a break so I have decided to take to the road (or sky) for a few weeks. Head out, by myself, unplugged. Cell phone off. No computers or internet.

Ill be back in a couple of weeks, and will hopefully be inspired to write more for Hobopoet at that time.

Until then........

Audio!

by Skald

I found a very cool web service called Talkr

Talker automatically converts all of your blog posts to audio.... and will add an audiolink at the bottom of all written posts. Very very cool!

Especially for the teaching blog. I now have a way of providing students, simultaneously, with reading and listening material. And I don't have to do any extra work. As my students are "English as a Foreign Language" learners, this is a very useful and supercool service.

Those of you wanting a lazy way to enter the world of podcasting... check out Talkr.

If you'd like a taste of what it does, see the teaching blog at:
http://effortlessacquisition.blogspot.com

......

Employment

by Anon

Skald,

I have to agree with what you wrote on your blog. The motivation in dependant employment is much worse than if you are doing something for yourself. Back when I was 16, I wrote a full-blown application to facilitate exploiting certain loopholes in telephone switching systems at the time. (Basically, it was a hacking app you could use to make free phone calls.) Complete with documentation, custom user interface, sound i/o, phone book, snazzy design.. a major major project, tens of thousands of lines of code. I cranked out most of it in a space of weeks, working from 9pm until 6am and sleeping until whenever I would wake up, collaborating with other peeps as needed.

Now, after a few years working in "professional" IT, I can tell you something like this would have taken a bunch of guys who are *employed* to create it at least a year. Five of them too. Why? Because they just do their job, their heart's not in it. They will no enough to not look too lazy to collect their paycheck.

It holds true for a lot of areas, not only teaching english.

An Angle I Forgot

by Anonymous

Hey Skald,

Thinking about it now, that Friday night [see previous post] had a whole angle to it which I didn't mention in my past e-mail but I think you might be interested in.. It was my encounter with a coked-up Scottish DJ.

So, having just re-loaded on K I'm looking for a nice comfy chair to sink into and ride my trip. I find one, next to a sofa, close my eyes and just ride the waves of my psychedelic experience. Ketamine, if taken in the correct dose, gives you a nice birds-eye view of your life and your current situation, a bit like Google Earth for the mind. So I sit there contemplating, eyes closed at times, enjoying myself.

Eventually, I open my eyes again and there is the Scottish DJ on the sofa next to me with his Hoez(tm). He's coked up as hell and proceeds to chew my fucking ear off, along the lines of: "Yeah, I'm so great, I make so much money, I just spend mad dough on coke and champagne, I'm so intense, blah blah blah."

I smile at him politely and think: What a wanker you are. Get the fuck over yourself. In the great scheme of things, you don't amount to shit if you are always looking for people to placate your fragile ego. For a second I consider enlightening him about the concept of voluntary simplicity, about being happy with less instead of ever chasing for more, about dissolving your fucking Ego instead of taking a drug that blows it up to gargantuan proportions.. But I decided not to waste my time, leaned back in my chair smiling, closed my eyes and enjoyed my visuals..

It takes all strokes to move the world..