Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Masturbation and the Joys of Freelancing

by Skald

[Yes, read with tongue in cheek ;) ]

I find myself, finally, a fulltime freelancing Hobopoet. Seems my toleration for traditional employment (wage slavery) has nearly bottomed out. Just can't do that shit anymore. Bowing and scraping. Ducking from the boss. Filling out forms.

Kerouac summed it up best: "The problem with work is that you are always doing someone else's".

Amen St. Jack!

Not that this situation doesn't contain a large dose of humor. I can't help but laugh when I think of the speed with which I've shifted from disreputable van living Hobopoet, to "respectable" university instructor, to dangerous thought criminal, to, once again, disreputable Hobopoet & freelancer. What a ride!

And the fun continues. Im now locked on starting my own English teaching program... to become, finally, a freelancer and only a freelancer.

Building that will take time,... but I find Im in no mood to chase yet another rat-race job. Instead, Ill do this startup the Hobopoet way... by living in my vehicle and making supplementary income until the English program takes off.

My supplementary income will come from two primary sources. One- I will write freelance. This'll provide a few paltry dollars, but not much.

Which is why Ive decided on part time "job" number two: professional masturbator. Yep, seems you can make a reasonable income from masturbating. I've found a few clinics that are offering $65 a pop for sperm donations... and they want twice a week donations with a one year commitment. I normally dont like contracts, but I think this is a responsibility I can handle. After all, Ive maintained that rate of activity for free for years and years.

This week, Ive been doing research on sperm count... how to increase it. If Im going to be a professional, Ive got to do this right. Ill be laying off the caffeine, exercising regularly, and supplementing my diet with zinc, vitamins, and certain amino acids. I hope to "work" for at least two clinics... thus generating $260 dollars a week. To do that, Ive got to stay in good shape!

The great thing is, I can easily live off that amount of money by become a car dweller once again. I've got a friend who is willing to let me park at his place and use his shower (the two biggest hassles of my last experience). I've got a laptop.... with access to free wifi. Ill get a cell phone as soon as I arrive in town. All the essentials, in other words.

Maybe I should get a business card made... just in case I come across other clinicians that need my services.

Skald Hareksson
Professional Masturbator

3 comments:

itrimble said...

Ahh.. that is a great idea AJ... perhaps when I am in Bangkok and Cambodia..I can also be a sperm donor.. I am in great shape... I just need to suppliment myself with vitamins... also when I arrive... perhaps we can start the idea of starting "hobopoet" school... good luck and remember to use lubrication...

Ian

Anonymous said...

Well . . . I guess when, a few years from now, Thailand is suddenly full of attractive blond, blue-eyed kids, I'll know what happened.

TFD

Ryan Garou said...

well played, sir. well played.