One thing about the Hobopoet life.. its rarely dull. Not much routine. These last two years are the closest Ive come to "stability" in quite a while... but they too have been marked by constant change.
And now another big one is on the horizon. While my external circumstances are definitely changing... the biggest near-future challenge for me is an internal one.
Up till now, Ive devoted my energies to escape. Ive successfully escaped full time wage slavery. Ive learned to live simply. Ive DRASTICALLY reduced the need to work... while drastically improving the freedom to work ratio. As a result, each year has been more enjoyable. Im more enthusiastic and energetic than Ive ever been. In short, Im having a great time.
But there's been something missing. Up till now, Ive needed to focus on resistence and escape. But that phase is closing. Ive been successful.... there's no use beating that horse forever.
Now that Ive destroyed the old wage slave life, I can move on to creating something. It is time to create an independent freelance income. It is time to become truly self-reliant. It is time to completely break free from bosses in all their forms.
When I first broke from all semblance of living a "mainstream" life, I was terrified. I admit it. Just prior to my first experience at car living.. I was nervous, afraid, stressed, worried. A million bogie-men filled my thoughts. I imagined failure and humiliation. I imagined misery. I knew I would become undatable and doomed to loneliness. I admire people who face such challenges with bravado and audacity. But Im not one of them. My bravado comes after the fact!
And so, as I face this next big challenge, I am again terrified. I again imagine horrible failure and humiliation. I doubt my ability to earn a freelance income. I worry that I will be hungry. I worry that Ill be forced into fulltime wage slavery and have to eat all my words here on Hobopoet. I can already hear the critics and devil's advocates saying, "I told you so".
Luckily, Ive been here before. At the beginning of an enterprise, I lack bravado and I lack courage. I lack confidence.
But I do have one ally that has continuously seen me through--
Lacking brains, guts, and talent... I know I can always depend on persistence to push me through the doubts.