by AJ/Skald
Praise and worthy acklowledments to the original young homeless professional: Matt Salleh.
Who inspired me to live //homeless// in my car.
Who gave me a vision of whats possible.
Who convinced me that Thoreau was for real.
Who camped under stars and basked in abundance.
Who spun hobo life into a modern context.
Who drank beer, lounged in cafes, and lived the good life-- young and homeless.
Who fled the States for mangoes, mint, magic, and masala.
Who lives his own life, his own way, on his own terms.
May we all do the same.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Pathetic
by AJ
Gasping, balding, pathetic.
I feel like Charlie Kaufman. Class ended at 9:00pm. Next train to Hiroshima-- 9:16 (and they do leave on the minute). I dashed out of class to the bathroom, peed as fast as I could, jumped down the stairs... and sprinted out the door.
Twelve minutes to go. Bag clutched under one arm, I set off at a brisk clog. Plastic loafers clomped like horseshoes. Change jingled in my pocket.
Four minutes later... Im was breathing hard.
Six minutes later... my legs were burning and Im was huffing.
8 minutes later... my legs were rubber-- I gasped as the train station came into sight. I felt much as I did during mile 25 of my last marathon: I talked to myself and pushed onwards... //almost there... keep going//.
I stumbled up the stairs and wobbled to the ticket machine. I coughed and rasped as I grabbed the ticket and walked to the platform in a daze.
Three years ago I ran a marathon.
Now Im laid low by a 10 minute jog to the train station. Fucking pathetic.
Ive got to do something about this. Ive really let myself go.
Have I become Charlie Kaufman? This sounds like the intro to ADAPTATION.
Im only 37.
Gasping, balding, pathetic.
I feel like Charlie Kaufman. Class ended at 9:00pm. Next train to Hiroshima-- 9:16 (and they do leave on the minute). I dashed out of class to the bathroom, peed as fast as I could, jumped down the stairs... and sprinted out the door.
Twelve minutes to go. Bag clutched under one arm, I set off at a brisk clog. Plastic loafers clomped like horseshoes. Change jingled in my pocket.
Four minutes later... Im was breathing hard.
Six minutes later... my legs were burning and Im was huffing.
8 minutes later... my legs were rubber-- I gasped as the train station came into sight. I felt much as I did during mile 25 of my last marathon: I talked to myself and pushed onwards... //almost there... keep going//.
I stumbled up the stairs and wobbled to the ticket machine. I coughed and rasped as I grabbed the ticket and walked to the platform in a daze.
Three years ago I ran a marathon.
Now Im laid low by a 10 minute jog to the train station. Fucking pathetic.
Ive got to do something about this. Ive really let myself go.
Have I become Charlie Kaufman? This sounds like the intro to ADAPTATION.
Im only 37.
In Praise of Grand Failures
by AJ/Skald
I love mighty failures. Doomed enterprises carry an aroma of grandeur. If we are lucky, we get carried along by a few of these during our lives.
I think of Todd and Lewis? magnificent RV catastrophe. They poured thousands of dollars into the monster, hundreds of hours, and limitless imagination. The beast only made it to Florida. But it, in fact, carried them much farther. That glorious failure was rocket fuel for wanderlust.... which soon propelled Todd to Thailand and the open road.... Lewis to San Francisco. Its still carrying them-- driving their dreams of South America and a life full of magic and mystery.
I think of my first trip to India. A gruelling challenge. Dysentery. Four days in the hospital. Collapse. Confusion. Loneliness. Im still spinning. Still moving. Still pushing on to the next new experience..... ever onward into the unknown. India, the wonderful failure of that first trip gave birth to my current life.
My best relationships... the freaky, passionate, outrageous, quantum leaps... have all been doomed. Doomed but radiant.
There is something insipid about the word //success//. I think of a friend from high school. He has a stable career. Hes moved up the ladder into middle management. He has a big house in the suburbs, a child, a wife, two new cars. He has investments and money in the bank. But he has lived the same day, day after day, for the last twenty years. Is this success?
Is life a plodding progression, or an exuberant dance?
I love mighty failures. Doomed enterprises carry an aroma of grandeur. If we are lucky, we get carried along by a few of these during our lives.
I think of Todd and Lewis? magnificent RV catastrophe. They poured thousands of dollars into the monster, hundreds of hours, and limitless imagination. The beast only made it to Florida. But it, in fact, carried them much farther. That glorious failure was rocket fuel for wanderlust.... which soon propelled Todd to Thailand and the open road.... Lewis to San Francisco. Its still carrying them-- driving their dreams of South America and a life full of magic and mystery.
I think of my first trip to India. A gruelling challenge. Dysentery. Four days in the hospital. Collapse. Confusion. Loneliness. Im still spinning. Still moving. Still pushing on to the next new experience..... ever onward into the unknown. India, the wonderful failure of that first trip gave birth to my current life.
My best relationships... the freaky, passionate, outrageous, quantum leaps... have all been doomed. Doomed but radiant.
There is something insipid about the word //success//. I think of a friend from high school. He has a stable career. Hes moved up the ladder into middle management. He has a big house in the suburbs, a child, a wife, two new cars. He has investments and money in the bank. But he has lived the same day, day after day, for the last twenty years. Is this success?
Is life a plodding progression, or an exuberant dance?
The Dark Prince
by Skald
I crave intensity.
I crave transcendence.
I crave deep aromas.
I crave great sex.
I crave flow. ocilliation. dance.
I crave strength. I crave wildness.
I crave magic and mystery.
But my life is devoid of these things. My life is a grey drone. Sexless, mild, irritating, bland, uniform, weak, tame, emasculated.
I crave a wild ride but am on a slow and steady one. Ive got the mind of a taoist but the heart of a pagan. My heart is malnourished.
What I would give for a vial of LSD.... or a bag full of mushrooms. Or to be shocked and amazed in any way.
I want to lose control.
I crave encounters with the extraordinary. LSD, mushrooms, and wild women are not available to me. So I will seek the dark prince. The one mysterious and unnerving ally available to me:
Salvia Divinorum.
I crave intensity.
I crave transcendence.
I crave deep aromas.
I crave great sex.
I crave flow. ocilliation. dance.
I crave strength. I crave wildness.
I crave magic and mystery.
But my life is devoid of these things. My life is a grey drone. Sexless, mild, irritating, bland, uniform, weak, tame, emasculated.
I crave a wild ride but am on a slow and steady one. Ive got the mind of a taoist but the heart of a pagan. My heart is malnourished.
What I would give for a vial of LSD.... or a bag full of mushrooms. Or to be shocked and amazed in any way.
I want to lose control.
I crave encounters with the extraordinary. LSD, mushrooms, and wild women are not available to me. So I will seek the dark prince. The one mysterious and unnerving ally available to me:
Salvia Divinorum.
The Joy of Incomprehension
by Skald/AJ
I think Ive identified the core reason I failed at every language I tried to learn-- I dont want to learn them. Its as simple as that.
The pattern is always the same. In a huge rush I learn enough for survival: numbers, basic expressions, how to direct a taxi, etc. Then all progress stops. Yes Im lazy, but it goes farther than that.
In fact, I enjoy not understanding. I dont want to understand.
Incomprehension is so much more rewarding. I gain tremendous mental peace. I can sit in a coffee shop surrounded by chattering people and it doesnt disturb me. I only hear the sounds and vibrations. No thoughts intrude. No distractions.
Its the same with advertisements. I see the pictures but I cant read the words. People are barraged every day by a battery of marketing... but much of it escapes me. I cant read the signs, I dont understand the words or the jingles. Its just melodic noise to me.
Thus I gain tremendous mental space. I can immerse myself in thought & perception without distraction.
When I encounter loud, English-speaking tourists I realize how important this is. I find it impossible to tune out their conversations. They distract me. They irritate me. Often I must get up and leave.
Much of day to day conversation is banal, gossipy, and distracting. By missing it, I gain more than I lose.
I think Ive identified the core reason I failed at every language I tried to learn-- I dont want to learn them. Its as simple as that.
The pattern is always the same. In a huge rush I learn enough for survival: numbers, basic expressions, how to direct a taxi, etc. Then all progress stops. Yes Im lazy, but it goes farther than that.
In fact, I enjoy not understanding. I dont want to understand.
Incomprehension is so much more rewarding. I gain tremendous mental peace. I can sit in a coffee shop surrounded by chattering people and it doesnt disturb me. I only hear the sounds and vibrations. No thoughts intrude. No distractions.
Its the same with advertisements. I see the pictures but I cant read the words. People are barraged every day by a battery of marketing... but much of it escapes me. I cant read the signs, I dont understand the words or the jingles. Its just melodic noise to me.
Thus I gain tremendous mental space. I can immerse myself in thought & perception without distraction.
When I encounter loud, English-speaking tourists I realize how important this is. I find it impossible to tune out their conversations. They distract me. They irritate me. Often I must get up and leave.
Much of day to day conversation is banal, gossipy, and distracting. By missing it, I gain more than I lose.
Lesson Learned
by Skald
All travel is inner travel.
Indeed it is. Sooner or later a traveller is forced by events to turn inward. S/he hits an insurmountable obstacle.... is stricken with disease... wears down from fatigue... or suffers from loneliness. At that point, the outward journey becomes secondary.
Ive reached that stage in Japan. Its clear this journey is much more about me, my character, my needs, and my limitations than it is about living in Hiroshima. This experience is teaching me new things about myself... and reminding me of things I had forgotten.
First and foremost I have learned an important truth about myself: IM LAZY. Call it a flaw. Call it inspired Taoism. Call it whatever. Its the truth. I simply hate to work. Much of my life has followed a simple formula- the more I work the less happy I am, the less I work the more happy I am. Im fond of elaborate attacks on wage slavery, capitalism, and the like... but maybe its not the system. Maybe its just me. Maybe Im just lazier than most people.
Years ago I might have worried about this... bemoaned it as a flaw I must correct. But I dont view it as a flaw... nor necessarily as a strength. Its just the way I am... my nature. Really, I have no reason to change it, because its much easier to just accept it and adapt.
Ive realized that much trouble in my life was created because I fought against my nature. I tried to force myself to work more than I could tolerate, I tried to force a relationship that clearly was counterproductive, I struggled against someone instead of letting go, I strove to maintain an opinion after its usefulness had expired.
Each of these actions triggered misery.
The tough part is having the clarity of mind to realize what you are doing. Its easy to forget and lose awareness. Buddhists, in fact, identify this is the primary source of human suffering-- forgetting (ignorance).
Again and again we forget. Again and again we suffer as a result. If we are lucky, at some point we realize what we are doing. We become aware and suffering subsides. Then we get fat and happy and forget again. Looked at from a distance, its quite comical.
People often say //dont make the same mistake twice//. But I seem to make the same mistake five, six, seven times before the lesson sinks in.
All travel is inner travel. And all knowledge is self-knowledge.
All travel is inner travel.
Indeed it is. Sooner or later a traveller is forced by events to turn inward. S/he hits an insurmountable obstacle.... is stricken with disease... wears down from fatigue... or suffers from loneliness. At that point, the outward journey becomes secondary.
Ive reached that stage in Japan. Its clear this journey is much more about me, my character, my needs, and my limitations than it is about living in Hiroshima. This experience is teaching me new things about myself... and reminding me of things I had forgotten.
First and foremost I have learned an important truth about myself: IM LAZY. Call it a flaw. Call it inspired Taoism. Call it whatever. Its the truth. I simply hate to work. Much of my life has followed a simple formula- the more I work the less happy I am, the less I work the more happy I am. Im fond of elaborate attacks on wage slavery, capitalism, and the like... but maybe its not the system. Maybe its just me. Maybe Im just lazier than most people.
Years ago I might have worried about this... bemoaned it as a flaw I must correct. But I dont view it as a flaw... nor necessarily as a strength. Its just the way I am... my nature. Really, I have no reason to change it, because its much easier to just accept it and adapt.
Ive realized that much trouble in my life was created because I fought against my nature. I tried to force myself to work more than I could tolerate, I tried to force a relationship that clearly was counterproductive, I struggled against someone instead of letting go, I strove to maintain an opinion after its usefulness had expired.
Each of these actions triggered misery.
The tough part is having the clarity of mind to realize what you are doing. Its easy to forget and lose awareness. Buddhists, in fact, identify this is the primary source of human suffering-- forgetting (ignorance).
Again and again we forget. Again and again we suffer as a result. If we are lucky, at some point we realize what we are doing. We become aware and suffering subsides. Then we get fat and happy and forget again. Looked at from a distance, its quite comical.
People often say //dont make the same mistake twice//. But I seem to make the same mistake five, six, seven times before the lesson sinks in.
All travel is inner travel. And all knowledge is self-knowledge.
Cease Fire
by AJ/Skald
Technicolor clowns
hold my hysterically mobile dreams
The sun is black along the backside
--equilibrium crumbles.
nonaction.
no resistance,no surprises
perplexing questions.
silent answers.
..........
Technicolor clowns
hold my hysterically mobile dreams
The sun is black along the backside
--equilibrium crumbles.
nonaction.
no resistance,no surprises
perplexing questions.
silent answers.
..........
Death & Rebirth
by AJ/Skald
We all go through cycles of death and rebirth. One of the tremendous powers of travel is that it accelerates the process. Loss and gain come much more quickly when you are travelling. Each departure is a mini-death. Each arrival a mini-birth.
Both events are difficult. Mini-death requires letting go. We must let go of friends. We must let go of old comforts. We must let go of confidence and a feeling of surety. All we have known disappears in an instant.
(Re)birth too is traumatic. A new identity, a new life, new expectations, new challenges... all await. In the beginning, nothing makes sense. Everything is strange and difficult. We feel clumsy, confused, and overwhelmed.
In general I enjoy these processes but I wont pretend they come easily to me. I suffered loss, sadness, and pain when I left Thailand. Ive been a total idiot since setting foot in Japan.
If nothing else, this is good for the ego, which is to say, it helps to deflate it. When old opinions wont fit the situation- youve got no choice but to let them go. When you stumble and screw up incessantly, its hard to puff yourself up.
Eventually travel forces you into that very Taoist/Zen position of admitting you dont know: you simply have no fucking clue whats going on, why its going on, how its going on, and where its going to. Nor do you have any clue as to what you should or should not do about it.
Thats the point of surrender.
From there, theres nothing left to do but listen, see, and feel without any particular opinion at all.
The death of concepts. The birth of awareness.
Back to the wide-eyed ignorance of infancy.
We all go through cycles of death and rebirth. One of the tremendous powers of travel is that it accelerates the process. Loss and gain come much more quickly when you are travelling. Each departure is a mini-death. Each arrival a mini-birth.
Both events are difficult. Mini-death requires letting go. We must let go of friends. We must let go of old comforts. We must let go of confidence and a feeling of surety. All we have known disappears in an instant.
(Re)birth too is traumatic. A new identity, a new life, new expectations, new challenges... all await. In the beginning, nothing makes sense. Everything is strange and difficult. We feel clumsy, confused, and overwhelmed.
In general I enjoy these processes but I wont pretend they come easily to me. I suffered loss, sadness, and pain when I left Thailand. Ive been a total idiot since setting foot in Japan.
If nothing else, this is good for the ego, which is to say, it helps to deflate it. When old opinions wont fit the situation- youve got no choice but to let them go. When you stumble and screw up incessantly, its hard to puff yourself up.
Eventually travel forces you into that very Taoist/Zen position of admitting you dont know: you simply have no fucking clue whats going on, why its going on, how its going on, and where its going to. Nor do you have any clue as to what you should or should not do about it.
Thats the point of surrender.
From there, theres nothing left to do but listen, see, and feel without any particular opinion at all.
The death of concepts. The birth of awareness.
Back to the wide-eyed ignorance of infancy.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Uncanny Service
by AJ/Skald
Everything youve heard about Japanese service is true. Its goddam amazing! I have never encountered so many friendly, helpful, and eager people in all of my life. Some examples:
*I have NEVER... in three weeks,... waited in a line longer than two people. A common scene: I stroll to the cashier in a convenience store. There are two people in front of me. Suddenly an employee pops up from behind a shelf across the store, runs (literally runs) to the counter, opens another register, and motions me to it. This happens all the time.
*I have never successfully bussed my own tray at Starbucks. Ive turned this into a game... determined to throw away all my trash before an employee can grab my tray and do it for me. Ive never managed it. They always see me heading for the trashcan and head me off. Once I made it there, but I hesitated. They had separate bins for various categories of recycling. As I contemplated the choices, an employee ran (yes, ran).... apologized, took my tray, and bussed it for me.
*I ate at an Okonomiyaki restaurant yesterday (more on that later). Today I returned. The cook recognized me and remembered my exact order... including the fact that I was a vegetarian. I was drinking water. The SECOND the glass emptied, he grabbed it, filled it, and returned it in an instant.
*Gas Stations: Its still the 1950s here. A small army stands outside (in the cold, snow, rain, etc.) waiting for cars. When you pull up, they rush to your car. They fill the gas, wash the windows (ALL of the windows), check your oil (if you ask), and take your garbage. When they finish, they run into the street and stop traffic in both directions-- so you can pull out. As you pull out, they bow.
Its uncanny. When Americans (or Thais... or anyone else) speak of "good service" they dont know what they are talking about. The Japanese are the undisputed heavyweight champions of the world in this department.
And it does make a difference. Grumpy as I am about my job.... I find it hard to remain so once I get out into the city. The people are so damn nice and helpful! Its very hard not to smile and bow right back to them.
Anyone considering a freelance stint should visit this country. Youll learn a whole new standard for helpfulness and good service.
Everything youve heard about Japanese service is true. Its goddam amazing! I have never encountered so many friendly, helpful, and eager people in all of my life. Some examples:
*I have NEVER... in three weeks,... waited in a line longer than two people. A common scene: I stroll to the cashier in a convenience store. There are two people in front of me. Suddenly an employee pops up from behind a shelf across the store, runs (literally runs) to the counter, opens another register, and motions me to it. This happens all the time.
*I have never successfully bussed my own tray at Starbucks. Ive turned this into a game... determined to throw away all my trash before an employee can grab my tray and do it for me. Ive never managed it. They always see me heading for the trashcan and head me off. Once I made it there, but I hesitated. They had separate bins for various categories of recycling. As I contemplated the choices, an employee ran (yes, ran).... apologized, took my tray, and bussed it for me.
*I ate at an Okonomiyaki restaurant yesterday (more on that later). Today I returned. The cook recognized me and remembered my exact order... including the fact that I was a vegetarian. I was drinking water. The SECOND the glass emptied, he grabbed it, filled it, and returned it in an instant.
*Gas Stations: Its still the 1950s here. A small army stands outside (in the cold, snow, rain, etc.) waiting for cars. When you pull up, they rush to your car. They fill the gas, wash the windows (ALL of the windows), check your oil (if you ask), and take your garbage. When they finish, they run into the street and stop traffic in both directions-- so you can pull out. As you pull out, they bow.
Its uncanny. When Americans (or Thais... or anyone else) speak of "good service" they dont know what they are talking about. The Japanese are the undisputed heavyweight champions of the world in this department.
And it does make a difference. Grumpy as I am about my job.... I find it hard to remain so once I get out into the city. The people are so damn nice and helpful! Its very hard not to smile and bow right back to them.
Anyone considering a freelance stint should visit this country. Youll learn a whole new standard for helpfulness and good service.
Getting Real
by AJ/Skald
Much thanks to all the readers who either emailed or commented on my recent Japan posts. This is the beauty of a blog.... its interactive. Your feedback was a wake up call. I stopped. I read over my Japan posts. I compared them to previous posts. Something was amiss.
In Thailand I wrote rants... but much of my stuff was ecstatic and passionate. Since arriving here... Ive been whining, ranting, bitching, and moaning without end.
Time to get real. I made a decision-- and I did so freely. I came here hoping to save money. I had opportunities at Thailands top two universities... much easier, much more relaxed, much more fun jobs. But I rushed things and came here without doing the necessary homework.
So it sucks. Ive thrown my tantrums but its time to take responsibility and make some decisions. I began today by meeting with my employers-- told them I did not want to live in a po-dunk hellhole-- but rather am determined to live in Hiroshima City. They are considering my "request". I will meet with them tomorrow and continue negotiations.
Im much clearer about what I need. I need to have time and energy for writing and a social life. I need more autonomy in the classroom. If I get these things I will stay, if not, I will go. No more whiney bullshit-- I know what I want. Ill either get it or I wont.
Meanwhile I intend to enjoy as much of my life outside of work as possible. Thankfully, that aspect of Hiroshima is quite good. Ill seek out hot spring baths (ah, the wonderful decadence ), Ill go out with my new friends, Ill explore the city and the region, Ill be a parttime traveler/explorer.
By the end of next month, Ill have a clear idea of whether the job situation is salvagable or not. If not, Ive got good options elsewhere.
So thanks to all for your kind words, your blunt words, and your concern.
Much thanks to all the readers who either emailed or commented on my recent Japan posts. This is the beauty of a blog.... its interactive. Your feedback was a wake up call. I stopped. I read over my Japan posts. I compared them to previous posts. Something was amiss.
In Thailand I wrote rants... but much of my stuff was ecstatic and passionate. Since arriving here... Ive been whining, ranting, bitching, and moaning without end.
Time to get real. I made a decision-- and I did so freely. I came here hoping to save money. I had opportunities at Thailands top two universities... much easier, much more relaxed, much more fun jobs. But I rushed things and came here without doing the necessary homework.
So it sucks. Ive thrown my tantrums but its time to take responsibility and make some decisions. I began today by meeting with my employers-- told them I did not want to live in a po-dunk hellhole-- but rather am determined to live in Hiroshima City. They are considering my "request". I will meet with them tomorrow and continue negotiations.
Im much clearer about what I need. I need to have time and energy for writing and a social life. I need more autonomy in the classroom. If I get these things I will stay, if not, I will go. No more whiney bullshit-- I know what I want. Ill either get it or I wont.
Meanwhile I intend to enjoy as much of my life outside of work as possible. Thankfully, that aspect of Hiroshima is quite good. Ill seek out hot spring baths (ah, the wonderful decadence ), Ill go out with my new friends, Ill explore the city and the region, Ill be a parttime traveler/explorer.
By the end of next month, Ill have a clear idea of whether the job situation is salvagable or not. If not, Ive got good options elsewhere.
So thanks to all for your kind words, your blunt words, and your concern.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Loneliness
by Skald
A degree of loneliness is a prerequisite for love, beauty, and even bliss. The Japanese word "yugen" expresses this idea. Its the feeling of emptiness that pervades beauty. Its the wisp of impermanence that pervades love.
Nothing lasts and therein lies the magic. All beauty is fleeting. All bliss. All of life. Much of American culture is directed towards denying these truths... and there lies the source of much of its ugliness.
I know, for example, that I am a kinder person when Im lonely. A hint of emptiness is good for the heart. Im more sensitive, and more aware. Strange as it sounds, I feel closer to people when Im somewhat separate.... and often feel distant when Im crowded with social contacts. We need space to appreciate what fills it. We need loneliness to appreciate human contact.
We need suffering to appreciate bliss. A root disease of the wealthy is that they have not suffered enough loss. When youve been hungry, its a lot harder to sneer at homeless people. When youve suffered, you become more sensitive to others who are hurting.
Though they dont realize it, these people are missing out on the deepest human experiences. Yes they are comfortable. Yes they can afford a wide range of stimulation. They manage to avoid much pain and loss with their wealth. But that is a devils bargain... for they thereby sacrifice much that is sublime, aching, and beautiful.
What strikes me about these people is their crudeness and insensitivity. They are thick skinned, dull eyed, and hard-hearted. Their imaginations are as limited as their awareness. They lack courage.
Facing the void takes courage. Embracing impermanence takes courage. Accepting loss takes courage. Loneliness takes courage. Freedom takes courage.
Great courage.
We cannot cheat life, nor can we avoid it. We cannot forever hold on to its sweetness without confronting its bitterness. These are truths as old as human existence.
But there is something magical at work here--- for it is often the case that by accepting bitterness, we taste sweetness.
A degree of loneliness is a prerequisite for love, beauty, and even bliss. The Japanese word "yugen" expresses this idea. Its the feeling of emptiness that pervades beauty. Its the wisp of impermanence that pervades love.
Nothing lasts and therein lies the magic. All beauty is fleeting. All bliss. All of life. Much of American culture is directed towards denying these truths... and there lies the source of much of its ugliness.
I know, for example, that I am a kinder person when Im lonely. A hint of emptiness is good for the heart. Im more sensitive, and more aware. Strange as it sounds, I feel closer to people when Im somewhat separate.... and often feel distant when Im crowded with social contacts. We need space to appreciate what fills it. We need loneliness to appreciate human contact.
We need suffering to appreciate bliss. A root disease of the wealthy is that they have not suffered enough loss. When youve been hungry, its a lot harder to sneer at homeless people. When youve suffered, you become more sensitive to others who are hurting.
Though they dont realize it, these people are missing out on the deepest human experiences. Yes they are comfortable. Yes they can afford a wide range of stimulation. They manage to avoid much pain and loss with their wealth. But that is a devils bargain... for they thereby sacrifice much that is sublime, aching, and beautiful.
What strikes me about these people is their crudeness and insensitivity. They are thick skinned, dull eyed, and hard-hearted. Their imaginations are as limited as their awareness. They lack courage.
Facing the void takes courage. Embracing impermanence takes courage. Accepting loss takes courage. Loneliness takes courage. Freedom takes courage.
Great courage.
We cannot cheat life, nor can we avoid it. We cannot forever hold on to its sweetness without confronting its bitterness. These are truths as old as human existence.
But there is something magical at work here--- for it is often the case that by accepting bitterness, we taste sweetness.
Sweetness
by Skald
There is something different about Japanese women, though I cant quite put it into words. "Sweetness" comes to mind, but that doesnt quite capture it. They are sweet: incredibly kind-hearted (for the most part). But it goes beyond that. There is also a sense of grace and poise. A feeling of quiet power.
I sense none of the imbalance so prevalent in Americans (so prevalent in me). Theres none of the anger, attitude, and aggression.
And it IS primarily a female phenomenon. The men are uptight... but the women have something special. A similar phenomenon exists in India. In India I met several (usually educated) women with incredible poise. Grace. Baraka. Something special.
What I find so unique is the combination of confidence and humility. These women embody the feminine power so eloquently described in the Tao Te Ching. Its an incredible experience to be in the presence of such women. Powerful yet soft. Charismatic yet humble. Inspiring but not domineering.
We in the West could learn a lot from these women (as could the men in these countries). In the West we worship aggressive power. Women are as guilty of this as men. Some Western feminists, for example, seem to think that putting women in charge would solve our problems. But women like Margaret Thatcher, Madeleine Albright, Hillary Clinton, and the like are no better than the men they replace. Its not so much females that we need as a respect for the feminine, the soft, the yielding, and the flexible. A tyrant in a dress is no better than a tyrant in a suit.
Likewise, Gandhi illustrated the potential for men to wield soft, yielding, compassionate power. Many men possess these qualities too.
As do many of the women I meet in Japan.
If only they were in charge.....
There is something different about Japanese women, though I cant quite put it into words. "Sweetness" comes to mind, but that doesnt quite capture it. They are sweet: incredibly kind-hearted (for the most part). But it goes beyond that. There is also a sense of grace and poise. A feeling of quiet power.
I sense none of the imbalance so prevalent in Americans (so prevalent in me). Theres none of the anger, attitude, and aggression.
And it IS primarily a female phenomenon. The men are uptight... but the women have something special. A similar phenomenon exists in India. In India I met several (usually educated) women with incredible poise. Grace. Baraka. Something special.
What I find so unique is the combination of confidence and humility. These women embody the feminine power so eloquently described in the Tao Te Ching. Its an incredible experience to be in the presence of such women. Powerful yet soft. Charismatic yet humble. Inspiring but not domineering.
We in the West could learn a lot from these women (as could the men in these countries). In the West we worship aggressive power. Women are as guilty of this as men. Some Western feminists, for example, seem to think that putting women in charge would solve our problems. But women like Margaret Thatcher, Madeleine Albright, Hillary Clinton, and the like are no better than the men they replace. Its not so much females that we need as a respect for the feminine, the soft, the yielding, and the flexible. A tyrant in a dress is no better than a tyrant in a suit.
Likewise, Gandhi illustrated the potential for men to wield soft, yielding, compassionate power. Many men possess these qualities too.
As do many of the women I meet in Japan.
If only they were in charge.....
Distance
by Skald
Small girl clings to her father
-- head buried in his chest
on a cold winter day.
Its a common sight in Hiroshima.... fathers holding their children. They carry them in their arms, without a backpack or similar contraption. Mothers too.
They ride together on bicyles... small seats fitted in front of the main seat... mother and child on one bike.
It is common, Im told, for parents to bathe with their children.
In Thailand, strangers kiss children theyve just met.
But back home, paranoia reigns. Fathers worry about touching their daughters. Teachers keep their distance.
And everyone grows more distant.
Small girl clings to her father
-- head buried in his chest
on a cold winter day.
Its a common sight in Hiroshima.... fathers holding their children. They carry them in their arms, without a backpack or similar contraption. Mothers too.
They ride together on bicyles... small seats fitted in front of the main seat... mother and child on one bike.
It is common, Im told, for parents to bathe with their children.
In Thailand, strangers kiss children theyve just met.
But back home, paranoia reigns. Fathers worry about touching their daughters. Teachers keep their distance.
And everyone grows more distant.
Let It Slide
by AJ/Skald
We must let that which does not matter truly slide (paraphrase from Fight Club).
What does not matter: a nice apartment, a career, other peoples opinions of us, the amount of money in our bank account, the kind of car we drive, our looks, our popularity, our attractiveness to the opposite sex (or if gay, the same sex), our opinions, our luxuries, the news, gadgets, possessions, our resume,.....
What does matter: ecstasy, bliss, freedom, self-reliance, autonomy, friendships, purpose, passion, flow, immersion in the moment......
In the movie (Fight Club), the main character blows up his apartment and his expensive furniture. He moves into an abandoned shithole. He blackmails his boss and quits. He shaves away every extraneous luxury in his life. He gives up being nice. He gives up being respectable. He gives up his career.
Thats the sort of commitment we need. To be free, youve got to be willing to sacrifice every luxurious trap that society throws your way. That means expensive gadgets. That means new cars. That means a luxurious apartment/house. That means a career. That means stylish clothes. That means being cool. That means impressing women/men. That means a family. That means marriage. All of these sacrifices may not necessarily be required... but weve got to be prepared to make them if necessary.
No one said its easy. Tough decisions are required. In a nutshell, youve got to be willing to give up your reputation. You have to accept that people will think you are irresponsible, strange, selfish, foolish, poor, uncool, undatable, and undesirable. That is the price. Accept it. Know that this is the case.
But also know the reward. The reward is freedom-- the freedom to live according to your dreams and principles. The freedom to follow your bliss wherever it takes you. The freedom to be challenged every day. The freedom to keep learning and growing. The freedom to take full responsibility for your own life. Freedom from boredom. Freedom from wage slavery. Freedom from monotony.
The hobopoet path is not for people who crave security. It is for those who recognize that our position is always precarious. The truth is that mainstream suburbanites are no more secure than we are. They are one traffic accident away from homelessness. They are one diagnosis away from cataclysmic change. They are one phone call away from grief and depression. They are one stock market crash away from economic ruin. They too will face disease. They too will face change. They too will face catastrophe. They too will face death.
All that they have built will crumble. Their houses will be sold. Their possessions scattered. Their work forgotten. Their careers... their lifes work.. will amount to nothing but a blip on the stock market ticker. Their looks will fade. Like it or not... resist it or not.... they too will face the unravelling of all that seems secure and stable.
Better, I think, to recognize these truths early on. Better to embrace change and impermanence now. Better not to collect a bunch of shit in the first place-- to realize it doesnt matter.
Better not to pretend... to realize that this moment is all we have... to immerse ourselves in it as much as possible. Better to realize that all that matters about our WORK is the joy it brings us while doing it. The results do not matter. Neither does the pay. These will not last. There will be no delayed reward for good behavior
Sooner or later, all careers end. All relationships end. All works crumble. All lives end. Will Tom Peters be remember 100 years from now? Will Donald Trump? Mel Gibson? Bill Gates? Me? You? I doubt it.
The end is not the important thing. Its the process, the ecstatic engagement of the moment, that is lifes only reward. And our only hope for happiness.
We must let that which does not matter truly slide (paraphrase from Fight Club).
What does not matter: a nice apartment, a career, other peoples opinions of us, the amount of money in our bank account, the kind of car we drive, our looks, our popularity, our attractiveness to the opposite sex (or if gay, the same sex), our opinions, our luxuries, the news, gadgets, possessions, our resume,.....
What does matter: ecstasy, bliss, freedom, self-reliance, autonomy, friendships, purpose, passion, flow, immersion in the moment......
In the movie (Fight Club), the main character blows up his apartment and his expensive furniture. He moves into an abandoned shithole. He blackmails his boss and quits. He shaves away every extraneous luxury in his life. He gives up being nice. He gives up being respectable. He gives up his career.
Thats the sort of commitment we need. To be free, youve got to be willing to sacrifice every luxurious trap that society throws your way. That means expensive gadgets. That means new cars. That means a luxurious apartment/house. That means a career. That means stylish clothes. That means being cool. That means impressing women/men. That means a family. That means marriage. All of these sacrifices may not necessarily be required... but weve got to be prepared to make them if necessary.
No one said its easy. Tough decisions are required. In a nutshell, youve got to be willing to give up your reputation. You have to accept that people will think you are irresponsible, strange, selfish, foolish, poor, uncool, undatable, and undesirable. That is the price. Accept it. Know that this is the case.
But also know the reward. The reward is freedom-- the freedom to live according to your dreams and principles. The freedom to follow your bliss wherever it takes you. The freedom to be challenged every day. The freedom to keep learning and growing. The freedom to take full responsibility for your own life. Freedom from boredom. Freedom from wage slavery. Freedom from monotony.
The hobopoet path is not for people who crave security. It is for those who recognize that our position is always precarious. The truth is that mainstream suburbanites are no more secure than we are. They are one traffic accident away from homelessness. They are one diagnosis away from cataclysmic change. They are one phone call away from grief and depression. They are one stock market crash away from economic ruin. They too will face disease. They too will face change. They too will face catastrophe. They too will face death.
All that they have built will crumble. Their houses will be sold. Their possessions scattered. Their work forgotten. Their careers... their lifes work.. will amount to nothing but a blip on the stock market ticker. Their looks will fade. Like it or not... resist it or not.... they too will face the unravelling of all that seems secure and stable.
Better, I think, to recognize these truths early on. Better to embrace change and impermanence now. Better not to collect a bunch of shit in the first place-- to realize it doesnt matter.
Better not to pretend... to realize that this moment is all we have... to immerse ourselves in it as much as possible. Better to realize that all that matters about our WORK is the joy it brings us while doing it. The results do not matter. Neither does the pay. These will not last. There will be no delayed reward for good behavior
Sooner or later, all careers end. All relationships end. All works crumble. All lives end. Will Tom Peters be remember 100 years from now? Will Donald Trump? Mel Gibson? Bill Gates? Me? You? I doubt it.
The end is not the important thing. Its the process, the ecstatic engagement of the moment, that is lifes only reward. And our only hope for happiness.
Retirement
by AJ/Skald
Here?s another gem from Tom Peters-- men who retire early live longer. Those who retire later live much shorter lives. Is anyone surprised by this?
Wage slavery not only sucks... it is deadly. Its nice to see it summed up in years. Working (literally) takes years off your life. Now theres a compelling reason to retire now... or at least semi retire. Its time we stopped thinking of freedom, bliss, and autonomy as something that is given to us after age 65. That is an idiotic notion. Its also a lie.
The time to retire is right now! Quit the shitty job right now. Follow your bliss right now. Or, at the very least, start working towards free agency and freelancing right now [And yes its time for me to follow my own advice, right now!].
The heart of the matter is that the 1950s are over (thank god). Its time to retire the ridiculous notion that a company or government will be responsible for us. There are no rules anymore. No one is going to reward you for being nice.
Look whats happening to the baby boomers. They played by the rules. They remained loyal to the company. They sold their bliss for security. How were they REWARDED? With downsizing, outsourcing, layoffs, and termination. As soon as they were no longer useful, they were cast away. They put their lives in the hands of IBM, GE, and the rest and got a thorough screwing over as their reward.
These poor bastards love to complain about the APATHETIC generations that followed them... but at least we arent so fucking gullible. We arent stupid enough to get excited about a job. We know better than to give our loyalty to an amoral company or government. We know we have to look out for ourselves... and each other.
We know that fulfilment never comes from wage slavery.
So forget the gold watch. Forget the golden parachute. Forget loyalty. Those are lies sold to suckers.
Seize your own freedom. Follow your bliss.
Retire Now.
Here?s another gem from Tom Peters-- men who retire early live longer. Those who retire later live much shorter lives. Is anyone surprised by this?
Wage slavery not only sucks... it is deadly. Its nice to see it summed up in years. Working (literally) takes years off your life. Now theres a compelling reason to retire now... or at least semi retire. Its time we stopped thinking of freedom, bliss, and autonomy as something that is given to us after age 65. That is an idiotic notion. Its also a lie.
The time to retire is right now! Quit the shitty job right now. Follow your bliss right now. Or, at the very least, start working towards free agency and freelancing right now [And yes its time for me to follow my own advice, right now!].
The heart of the matter is that the 1950s are over (thank god). Its time to retire the ridiculous notion that a company or government will be responsible for us. There are no rules anymore. No one is going to reward you for being nice.
Look whats happening to the baby boomers. They played by the rules. They remained loyal to the company. They sold their bliss for security. How were they REWARDED? With downsizing, outsourcing, layoffs, and termination. As soon as they were no longer useful, they were cast away. They put their lives in the hands of IBM, GE, and the rest and got a thorough screwing over as their reward.
These poor bastards love to complain about the APATHETIC generations that followed them... but at least we arent so fucking gullible. We arent stupid enough to get excited about a job. We know better than to give our loyalty to an amoral company or government. We know we have to look out for ourselves... and each other.
We know that fulfilment never comes from wage slavery.
So forget the gold watch. Forget the golden parachute. Forget loyalty. Those are lies sold to suckers.
Seize your own freedom. Follow your bliss.
Retire Now.
Dread and Bliss
by AJ
Lately Ive resorted to twisted logical analysis to examine my current working situation. I draw elaborate lists of pros & cons. I enumerate the issues which are troubling me and seek to identify solutions. I think of ways to negotiate these things with my bosses. I wrangle with myself, constantly wondering //what is the right thing to do?//.
Such is the left-brained analytic approach. But, of course, I already know. Its very very simple. When I think of going to work at my current job, I feel a wave of dread.
Then I remember how I felt when I was teaching (part-tuime) in Georgia. Id think of my class and experience a rush of excitement. I was thrilled to teach them. I rushed to class. I lingered afterwards.
That sums it up. I need no other analysis. Work which brings me happiness is good work. Work that fires my enthusiasm is good work. Work that interests me and empowers me is good work.
So too the opposite: a job that saps my energy is a bad job. A job that kills my enthusiasm is a bad job. A job that makes me feel powerless and controlled is a bad job.
I dont need to explain it --Nor justify it. These feelings speak for themselves.
Lately Ive resorted to twisted logical analysis to examine my current working situation. I draw elaborate lists of pros & cons. I enumerate the issues which are troubling me and seek to identify solutions. I think of ways to negotiate these things with my bosses. I wrangle with myself, constantly wondering //what is the right thing to do?//.
Such is the left-brained analytic approach. But, of course, I already know. Its very very simple. When I think of going to work at my current job, I feel a wave of dread.
Then I remember how I felt when I was teaching (part-tuime) in Georgia. Id think of my class and experience a rush of excitement. I was thrilled to teach them. I rushed to class. I lingered afterwards.
That sums it up. I need no other analysis. Work which brings me happiness is good work. Work that fires my enthusiasm is good work. Work that interests me and empowers me is good work.
So too the opposite: a job that saps my energy is a bad job. A job that kills my enthusiasm is a bad job. A job that makes me feel powerless and controlled is a bad job.
I dont need to explain it --Nor justify it. These feelings speak for themselves.
The Power of Integrity
by AJ/Skald
My favorite definition of integrity is: that state in which ones principles and ones life choices are in harmony. That captures the essence, I think.
Ive been contemplating integrity a great deal. Many people define the word according to extrinsic characteristics. For example, a person with integrity is someone who keeps their word to others. This strikes me as only the shallowest expression. I think that a person with integrity is one who keeps their word to themselves. Does someone who sticks to external commitments, even once they realize those commitments are wrong, have integrity?
Who had more integrity, racists who kept their word and remained loyal to other racists... or those who realized their wrong and betrayed their former allies? Id argue that the latter displayed more integrity because they served their own conscience rather than public opinion and external promises.
Its so easy to become trapped by our pride and our fear of judgement. I remember that moment three+ years ago when I decided to leave Japan and set out on a hobopoet life. I agonized over that decision. I had a CONTRACT for one year and I broke it. I worried about that for a long time. That contract kept me trapped.
In retrospect, I realize it was ridiculous. Was I an indentured servant? Could I not come and go as I wanted? Would that CONTRACT have kept them from firing me- if it was convenient to them? Wage slave contracts are always one sided.... they expect two weeks notice from you, but will fire your ass without notice should it benefit them.
All of which is to say, in pursuit of ones bliss it is necessary to develop a mercenary warriors mentality. We must be willing to sacrifice anything and anyone that tries to thwart us. We must cultivate inner integrity, often at the expense of public reputation. While we strive to be compassionate, we must give up the notion of being nice.
Freedom, bliss, and genius are not given to nice people... they are seized by those who refuse to compromise for the sake of public opinion.
[Matt Salleh has a great example of this in relation to his last employer in KL... which I hope he will write about soon].
My favorite definition of integrity is: that state in which ones principles and ones life choices are in harmony. That captures the essence, I think.
Ive been contemplating integrity a great deal. Many people define the word according to extrinsic characteristics. For example, a person with integrity is someone who keeps their word to others. This strikes me as only the shallowest expression. I think that a person with integrity is one who keeps their word to themselves. Does someone who sticks to external commitments, even once they realize those commitments are wrong, have integrity?
Who had more integrity, racists who kept their word and remained loyal to other racists... or those who realized their wrong and betrayed their former allies? Id argue that the latter displayed more integrity because they served their own conscience rather than public opinion and external promises.
Its so easy to become trapped by our pride and our fear of judgement. I remember that moment three+ years ago when I decided to leave Japan and set out on a hobopoet life. I agonized over that decision. I had a CONTRACT for one year and I broke it. I worried about that for a long time. That contract kept me trapped.
In retrospect, I realize it was ridiculous. Was I an indentured servant? Could I not come and go as I wanted? Would that CONTRACT have kept them from firing me- if it was convenient to them? Wage slave contracts are always one sided.... they expect two weeks notice from you, but will fire your ass without notice should it benefit them.
All of which is to say, in pursuit of ones bliss it is necessary to develop a mercenary warriors mentality. We must be willing to sacrifice anything and anyone that tries to thwart us. We must cultivate inner integrity, often at the expense of public reputation. While we strive to be compassionate, we must give up the notion of being nice.
Freedom, bliss, and genius are not given to nice people... they are seized by those who refuse to compromise for the sake of public opinion.
[Matt Salleh has a great example of this in relation to his last employer in KL... which I hope he will write about soon].
Misers of Love
by AJ/Skald
Tom Peters had an interesting post regarding the effects of marriage on men and women. He claimed that women tend to put on weight, become depressed, and become less happy once married..... while men stabilize their weight, have less stress, and are happier. When divorced, the patterns are reversed..... men become less happy and women become more happy.
My first thought was that this is a generational thing. I can imagine this being the case for my parents (and Tom Peters) generation. When those folks married, the man gained a house servant, nanny, and permanent sexual partner while the woman lost her freedom and autonomy. No wonder the women became depressed.
I know this sort of marriage still happens, but it seems rarer. I think of Matt, for example. He and his wife have a partnership. They travel together. They work together. They are sharing a life...
My second thought was to wonder what role kids play. Do the statistics hold up with couples who dont have kids? Are childless couples happier in general... (especially the women)? Despite the strides women have made, the bulk of childrearing still falls on them. Suddenly they must be a nanny in addition to working full-time and dealing with their husband. I cant imagine how they do it.
Of course, Im out of the loop here, because I would predict that BOTH men and women would become less happy once married (is it a surprise Im still unmarried at 37 :). Hakim Bey once referred to families as the //misers of love//. I think thats an apt description for the majority. Most couples isolate themselves. The wife drives away the husbands friends. The husband, in turn, becomes more possessive of the wife. Once kids enter the picture, neither has time for friends or community. They become a closed system.... all energy and love are hoarded within the family unit. Mom & Dad become increasingly neurotic and cut off from the outside world.
By middle age they become caricatures-- befuddled, easily flustered, and socially inept. These are the bozos I encounter in the airport.. trying to joke with me about Osama Bin Laden.
Its the pattern Ive observed in most //mainstream// families. To paraphrase Steinbeck, the man becomes, in effect, the youngest child in the family; and, The wife becomes caretaker to an overgrown baby. (You know the transformation is complete when husband and wife call each other Mom and Dad).
All of this makes me wonder... whats the point of marriage at all? Most now end in divorce. The ceremony and piece of paper guarantee nothing. Do we really need government or church sanctioning of our relationships? In the case of international relationships, there are certain practical advantages (visa benefits for both spouses) but otherwise I struggle to understand the necessity (or efficacy) of marriage.
Tom Peters had an interesting post regarding the effects of marriage on men and women. He claimed that women tend to put on weight, become depressed, and become less happy once married..... while men stabilize their weight, have less stress, and are happier. When divorced, the patterns are reversed..... men become less happy and women become more happy.
My first thought was that this is a generational thing. I can imagine this being the case for my parents (and Tom Peters) generation. When those folks married, the man gained a house servant, nanny, and permanent sexual partner while the woman lost her freedom and autonomy. No wonder the women became depressed.
I know this sort of marriage still happens, but it seems rarer. I think of Matt, for example. He and his wife have a partnership. They travel together. They work together. They are sharing a life...
My second thought was to wonder what role kids play. Do the statistics hold up with couples who dont have kids? Are childless couples happier in general... (especially the women)? Despite the strides women have made, the bulk of childrearing still falls on them. Suddenly they must be a nanny in addition to working full-time and dealing with their husband. I cant imagine how they do it.
Of course, Im out of the loop here, because I would predict that BOTH men and women would become less happy once married (is it a surprise Im still unmarried at 37 :). Hakim Bey once referred to families as the //misers of love//. I think thats an apt description for the majority. Most couples isolate themselves. The wife drives away the husbands friends. The husband, in turn, becomes more possessive of the wife. Once kids enter the picture, neither has time for friends or community. They become a closed system.... all energy and love are hoarded within the family unit. Mom & Dad become increasingly neurotic and cut off from the outside world.
By middle age they become caricatures-- befuddled, easily flustered, and socially inept. These are the bozos I encounter in the airport.. trying to joke with me about Osama Bin Laden.
Its the pattern Ive observed in most //mainstream// families. To paraphrase Steinbeck, the man becomes, in effect, the youngest child in the family; and, The wife becomes caretaker to an overgrown baby. (You know the transformation is complete when husband and wife call each other Mom and Dad).
All of this makes me wonder... whats the point of marriage at all? Most now end in divorce. The ceremony and piece of paper guarantee nothing. Do we really need government or church sanctioning of our relationships? In the case of international relationships, there are certain practical advantages (visa benefits for both spouses) but otherwise I struggle to understand the necessity (or efficacy) of marriage.
Fighting Shape
by AJ/Skald
"When you study, for example, the ecology of man and the world of microbes, you are confronted with a most surreal affair, and you may try to decide which microbes are the good guys and which are the bad. You want to know how to get rid of the bad guys without getting rid of the good guys, and then you realize you need some of the bad guys because otherwise the good guys fall apart. Some of our medicines are very much, on the level of our body, like what DDT is on the level of agriculture. They are too indiscriminate, and they kill too many of the good guys along with the bad guys. After a time you become very doubtful as to the precise definition of GOOD and BAD, because every group, every species, must have an enemy. If you dont have an enemy, then you start multiplying too much. Because nothing prunes you, you start eating up all your supplies of food because there are too many of you, and you start getting in your own way.
You are so successful you never have to fight, and you develop flabby muscles, and so, gradually, the successful group fails. A group that manages to obliterate its enemies will fall apart; that is the way the world works. The same principle applies in business, almost exactly. If you wipe out your competitor, then you have no reason to produce anything but a lousy product, and then someone else with a good product can come along and wipe you out despite your success. So, there is always something self-defeating in any attempt to succeed. Nothing fails like success. It is for this reason that Taoists always have an attitude of caution. " --Alan Watts
Good stuff from Alan Watts. Maybe I was growing flabby in Thailand. Maybe I needed this tangle with my enemy (work/job/bosses). It has certainly roused my fighting spirit. It has certainly catalyzed me to examine my life: its purpose and progress. It has certainly made me contemplate my economic stance towards the world. It has, in short, triggered all sorts of crisises.
This is not necessarily BAD. I think Mr. Watts is right.... we must be very cautious about judging these situations. We must tread them carefully. We must mine them for learning experiences. Its a good attitude to have towards life in general.
Carlos Castaneda said much the same thing. He said that a warrior is one who views all events as challenges. //Success// is one kind of challenge. //Failure// is another. Both are ripe with dangers and opportunities.
My current situation is interesting, fascinating, exciting, boring, and unpleasant... all at the same time (depending on the time, day, and circumstance). I find it hard to make a lump conclusion. Is it bad? Is it good? At the moment, it is both and neither.
Sometimes it is best to embrace ambiguity rather than resist it.
"When you study, for example, the ecology of man and the world of microbes, you are confronted with a most surreal affair, and you may try to decide which microbes are the good guys and which are the bad. You want to know how to get rid of the bad guys without getting rid of the good guys, and then you realize you need some of the bad guys because otherwise the good guys fall apart. Some of our medicines are very much, on the level of our body, like what DDT is on the level of agriculture. They are too indiscriminate, and they kill too many of the good guys along with the bad guys. After a time you become very doubtful as to the precise definition of GOOD and BAD, because every group, every species, must have an enemy. If you dont have an enemy, then you start multiplying too much. Because nothing prunes you, you start eating up all your supplies of food because there are too many of you, and you start getting in your own way.
You are so successful you never have to fight, and you develop flabby muscles, and so, gradually, the successful group fails. A group that manages to obliterate its enemies will fall apart; that is the way the world works. The same principle applies in business, almost exactly. If you wipe out your competitor, then you have no reason to produce anything but a lousy product, and then someone else with a good product can come along and wipe you out despite your success. So, there is always something self-defeating in any attempt to succeed. Nothing fails like success. It is for this reason that Taoists always have an attitude of caution. " --Alan Watts
Good stuff from Alan Watts. Maybe I was growing flabby in Thailand. Maybe I needed this tangle with my enemy (work/job/bosses). It has certainly roused my fighting spirit. It has certainly catalyzed me to examine my life: its purpose and progress. It has certainly made me contemplate my economic stance towards the world. It has, in short, triggered all sorts of crisises.
This is not necessarily BAD. I think Mr. Watts is right.... we must be very cautious about judging these situations. We must tread them carefully. We must mine them for learning experiences. Its a good attitude to have towards life in general.
Carlos Castaneda said much the same thing. He said that a warrior is one who views all events as challenges. //Success// is one kind of challenge. //Failure// is another. Both are ripe with dangers and opportunities.
My current situation is interesting, fascinating, exciting, boring, and unpleasant... all at the same time (depending on the time, day, and circumstance). I find it hard to make a lump conclusion. Is it bad? Is it good? At the moment, it is both and neither.
Sometimes it is best to embrace ambiguity rather than resist it.
The Stages of Economic Freedom
by Skald
Considering my own situation: I think this path towards economic freedom has stages. The first stage is wage slavery. This is classic employment.... the unfortunate state of most human beings in our society. A wage slave is totally dependent on jobs. S/he lives paycheck to paycheck and is often deeply in debt. Wage slaves may grumble about their state but essentially they are obedient servants. They do what they are told. They obey the company rules and respect the boss (to their face at least). They cant imagine another state of affairs. They value job security above all else.
A wage slave has no leverage.... no power... no independence. Wage slaves are deathly afraid of being fired, laid off, let go, downsized (take your choice of euphemism). They are terrified of unemployment. They are obsessed with benefits but limit this obsession to things like health coverage, life insurance, etc. A wage slave is an economic child. An indentured servant. A pitiful human being. Most of my adult life, I have been a wage slave... albeit a grumpy one.
The next stage is what I call free agency. Its a state akin to being a professional athlete. Free agents are still employed... but there are critical differences. For one, a free agent is in demand. Free agents always keep their options open... they are always job searching and they always have an exit strategy. Free agents typically have fewer debts, more savings, and, in general, more financial flexibility. They are not as obedient. They do not fear bouts of unemployment... in fact, they often choose unemployment in order to travel, rest, rejuvenate, and follow their bliss. Free agents are bolder... they are capable of defiance and autonomy-- but still in the context of a job. Free agents are economic teenagers... defiant, rebellious, and moving towards full independence. Currently I am a free agent.
The final stage is what I call freelancing. In other words, doing your own work on your own terms. At this stage, you quit jobs altogether. You do only the work that is yours and you do it how and when you want. Freelancing has many forms.... from big-budget entrepreneurs to micro-freelancing. A guy with his own handyman business is a freelancer. An English teacher who lives off private lessons is a freelancer. Full time autonomous writers are freelancers. Freelancers are permanently unemployed and work hard to stay that way. Freelancers dissolve the contrived barriers between art, work, and play. Their play is their work and their work is their art. They no longer need to be rebellious because they have nothing and no one to rebel against. Freelancers are true economic adults-- independent and self reliant. Freelancing is my ultimate economic goal.
Some bold folks are able to make the leap from wage slave to freelancer instantaneously. But most, like me, do so gradually. Its good to realize that this is possible... that there can be a progression. The uplifting thing about this realization is that each stage is freer, more joyful, and more rewarding than the previous. Being a free agent is far more fun than being a wage slave. Yes you are still workin for the man... but hes got less of a hold on you. You can search out the best possible situations for the most pay.... and tell em to fuck off anytime you like.
My impression is that many Hobopoet readers fall into the free agent category. Id qualify Matt as a free agent... and myself. And Sky. And Gypsychick. Sunwalker will soon jump full-on into freelancing... or beyond (the total elimination of work for money-- rock on!).
Wherever we are on the spectrum, its helpful to know that we can improve our situation. The important thing is the direction you are moving... keep pushing towards more freedom. If you are mired in wage slavery-- seek less restrictive jobs, simplify your life.... do what you can to move towards free agency. And if you are a free agent, like me, turn your energies towards leaving the nest for good.
With patience and persistence we can all make that penultimate act:
Fire The Boss for good.
Considering my own situation: I think this path towards economic freedom has stages. The first stage is wage slavery. This is classic employment.... the unfortunate state of most human beings in our society. A wage slave is totally dependent on jobs. S/he lives paycheck to paycheck and is often deeply in debt. Wage slaves may grumble about their state but essentially they are obedient servants. They do what they are told. They obey the company rules and respect the boss (to their face at least). They cant imagine another state of affairs. They value job security above all else.
A wage slave has no leverage.... no power... no independence. Wage slaves are deathly afraid of being fired, laid off, let go, downsized (take your choice of euphemism). They are terrified of unemployment. They are obsessed with benefits but limit this obsession to things like health coverage, life insurance, etc. A wage slave is an economic child. An indentured servant. A pitiful human being. Most of my adult life, I have been a wage slave... albeit a grumpy one.
The next stage is what I call free agency. Its a state akin to being a professional athlete. Free agents are still employed... but there are critical differences. For one, a free agent is in demand. Free agents always keep their options open... they are always job searching and they always have an exit strategy. Free agents typically have fewer debts, more savings, and, in general, more financial flexibility. They are not as obedient. They do not fear bouts of unemployment... in fact, they often choose unemployment in order to travel, rest, rejuvenate, and follow their bliss. Free agents are bolder... they are capable of defiance and autonomy-- but still in the context of a job. Free agents are economic teenagers... defiant, rebellious, and moving towards full independence. Currently I am a free agent.
The final stage is what I call freelancing. In other words, doing your own work on your own terms. At this stage, you quit jobs altogether. You do only the work that is yours and you do it how and when you want. Freelancing has many forms.... from big-budget entrepreneurs to micro-freelancing. A guy with his own handyman business is a freelancer. An English teacher who lives off private lessons is a freelancer. Full time autonomous writers are freelancers. Freelancers are permanently unemployed and work hard to stay that way. Freelancers dissolve the contrived barriers between art, work, and play. Their play is their work and their work is their art. They no longer need to be rebellious because they have nothing and no one to rebel against. Freelancers are true economic adults-- independent and self reliant. Freelancing is my ultimate economic goal.
Some bold folks are able to make the leap from wage slave to freelancer instantaneously. But most, like me, do so gradually. Its good to realize that this is possible... that there can be a progression. The uplifting thing about this realization is that each stage is freer, more joyful, and more rewarding than the previous. Being a free agent is far more fun than being a wage slave. Yes you are still workin for the man... but hes got less of a hold on you. You can search out the best possible situations for the most pay.... and tell em to fuck off anytime you like.
My impression is that many Hobopoet readers fall into the free agent category. Id qualify Matt as a free agent... and myself. And Sky. And Gypsychick. Sunwalker will soon jump full-on into freelancing... or beyond (the total elimination of work for money-- rock on!).
Wherever we are on the spectrum, its helpful to know that we can improve our situation. The important thing is the direction you are moving... keep pushing towards more freedom. If you are mired in wage slavery-- seek less restrictive jobs, simplify your life.... do what you can to move towards free agency. And if you are a free agent, like me, turn your energies towards leaving the nest for good.
With patience and persistence we can all make that penultimate act:
Fire The Boss for good.
Enough
by AJ/Skald
Wherever I end up, it is clear its time for me to move into freelancing. This employee shit has got to end. Ive reached the end of my rope with it. It feels like regression. And, in fact, it is. The boss-employee relationship is a surrogate for the parent-child relationship. Its a relationship of dependence. Its a relationship of authority.
Its a relationship that stunts development. Im old enough to make my own decisions, for godssake. And Im far too old to be depending on someone else for my basic needs. Freelancing is a natural and necessary stage. We cannot be responsible for our own lives without it. We cannot be self-reliant so long as we spend 8 hours a day in childish relationships with bosses.
This stint at David English, while unpleasant, has certainly emphasized these points. Its taught me that Ive thought about and talked about freelancing long enough. Ive gone the carliving hobo route (and may do so again)-- but I also want to create a comfortable income that does not involve slavery.
We all have to discover our ?enough? point. For some it is a pure hobo life... living on the road, camping under the stars, drifting from place to place penniless. For me, its a student-writer?s lifestyle: a tiny cubicle (or van) & money for eating out, coffee shops, travel, books, and other simple pleasures --Plenty of time for contemplation, writing, and the pursuit of bliss.
Others may want more-- a small house, their own business, etc... The most important thing is to realize that whatever the point, there is in fact a thing called //enough//. Its a radical notion for Americans. Most cant imagine the concept. However much they have, they want more. I read a quote from a multimillionaire who said (something to the effect that) ?Anyone who thinks a million dollars is enough will never make that much in the first place?. Perhaps thats true... but its a pathetic statement.
What kind of sad fucker makes several million... then cant think of anything more meaningful to do than make more. Got 10 million? They want 15. What lack of imagination. What sorry fucking lives.
Most Americans think this way, although on a smaller scale. They are always contemplating a bigger house, a newer car, fancier gadgets, higher paying jobs, more CDs, nicer clothes-- rats on a wheel.... round and round and round.
Aristocrats of old recognized that wealth freed them for other pursuits. They indulged in a tremendous variety of eccentricities, explorations, perversions, experiments, arts, and spiritual practices. Once their material needs were met, they turned their attention to grander pursuits.
Such is the hobopoet approach to life. We live simply (however we define that) so that we may free our lives from the tyranny of economics.... so that we may be free to pursue grander visions... so that we may follow our bliss. Thats the essence of it. Thats the thread that connects Sunwalkers dream of walking North America, Matt Salleh?s SE Asian adventures, my own wanderings, Stefan?s ambulance living experiment, Tom Asacker?s entrepreneurial efforts, Kerouac?s road journeys, Basho?s pilgrimages, the Cyberhobo?s hi-tech drifting, Ralf Pott?s vagabonding,.....
?Enough?. Its a beautiful word.
Wherever I end up, it is clear its time for me to move into freelancing. This employee shit has got to end. Ive reached the end of my rope with it. It feels like regression. And, in fact, it is. The boss-employee relationship is a surrogate for the parent-child relationship. Its a relationship of dependence. Its a relationship of authority.
Its a relationship that stunts development. Im old enough to make my own decisions, for godssake. And Im far too old to be depending on someone else for my basic needs. Freelancing is a natural and necessary stage. We cannot be responsible for our own lives without it. We cannot be self-reliant so long as we spend 8 hours a day in childish relationships with bosses.
This stint at David English, while unpleasant, has certainly emphasized these points. Its taught me that Ive thought about and talked about freelancing long enough. Ive gone the carliving hobo route (and may do so again)-- but I also want to create a comfortable income that does not involve slavery.
We all have to discover our ?enough? point. For some it is a pure hobo life... living on the road, camping under the stars, drifting from place to place penniless. For me, its a student-writer?s lifestyle: a tiny cubicle (or van) & money for eating out, coffee shops, travel, books, and other simple pleasures --Plenty of time for contemplation, writing, and the pursuit of bliss.
Others may want more-- a small house, their own business, etc... The most important thing is to realize that whatever the point, there is in fact a thing called //enough//. Its a radical notion for Americans. Most cant imagine the concept. However much they have, they want more. I read a quote from a multimillionaire who said (something to the effect that) ?Anyone who thinks a million dollars is enough will never make that much in the first place?. Perhaps thats true... but its a pathetic statement.
What kind of sad fucker makes several million... then cant think of anything more meaningful to do than make more. Got 10 million? They want 15. What lack of imagination. What sorry fucking lives.
Most Americans think this way, although on a smaller scale. They are always contemplating a bigger house, a newer car, fancier gadgets, higher paying jobs, more CDs, nicer clothes-- rats on a wheel.... round and round and round.
Aristocrats of old recognized that wealth freed them for other pursuits. They indulged in a tremendous variety of eccentricities, explorations, perversions, experiments, arts, and spiritual practices. Once their material needs were met, they turned their attention to grander pursuits.
Such is the hobopoet approach to life. We live simply (however we define that) so that we may free our lives from the tyranny of economics.... so that we may be free to pursue grander visions... so that we may follow our bliss. Thats the essence of it. Thats the thread that connects Sunwalkers dream of walking North America, Matt Salleh?s SE Asian adventures, my own wanderings, Stefan?s ambulance living experiment, Tom Asacker?s entrepreneurial efforts, Kerouac?s road journeys, Basho?s pilgrimages, the Cyberhobo?s hi-tech drifting, Ralf Pott?s vagabonding,.....
?Enough?. Its a beautiful word.
God Bless The Freaks
by AJ/Skald
The weather warms and out come the freaks.
Hordes of girls clad in baby-doll outfits: poofy knee-length skirts, lacy blouses, frilly ribbons in their hair, high boots, technicolor makeup.
Futuro-punk-metal chicks: thigh high boots with metal knees, road warrior chest protectors, silver and black makeup-- like a convention of the Oakland Raider-nation.
Guys in hip-hop regalia... baggy pants, side-turned baseball caps, oversized jerseys,... all displayed with a sliding strut.
The weather warms and black-clad, conservative Japan comes alive! Freaks everywhere. Besides the extreme examples, there are an assortment of stylish, funky, artsy folks walking the streets of Hiroshima today. What happened?
Warm weather has awakened the inner funk. And that, in turn, has brightened my mood considerably. I love freaks. I love eccentrics. I love artists. I love nonconformists. I love diversity. I love weirdos.
So Japan is not as straight laced as originally thought. Apparently they were bundled up in their winter clothes.. biding their time like expectant cherry blossoms... ready to burst on the scene at the first hint of Spring.
Spring is coming... and the freaks are blooming.
The weather warms and out come the freaks.
Hordes of girls clad in baby-doll outfits: poofy knee-length skirts, lacy blouses, frilly ribbons in their hair, high boots, technicolor makeup.
Futuro-punk-metal chicks: thigh high boots with metal knees, road warrior chest protectors, silver and black makeup-- like a convention of the Oakland Raider-nation.
Guys in hip-hop regalia... baggy pants, side-turned baseball caps, oversized jerseys,... all displayed with a sliding strut.
The weather warms and black-clad, conservative Japan comes alive! Freaks everywhere. Besides the extreme examples, there are an assortment of stylish, funky, artsy folks walking the streets of Hiroshima today. What happened?
Warm weather has awakened the inner funk. And that, in turn, has brightened my mood considerably. I love freaks. I love eccentrics. I love artists. I love nonconformists. I love diversity. I love weirdos.
So Japan is not as straight laced as originally thought. Apparently they were bundled up in their winter clothes.. biding their time like expectant cherry blossoms... ready to burst on the scene at the first hint of Spring.
Spring is coming... and the freaks are blooming.
Nice
by AJ/Skald
I used to be such a nice guy.
--Fight Club
That line from Fight Club keeps running through my head lately. I feel the same. Throughout my life, Ive always been described as NICE. What happened?
Eventually, I got sick of being nice. I got sick of living according to other peoples priorities. I got sick of overbearing bosses. I got sick of feeling trapped. The break came about three years ago... I decided I preferred bliss to popularity. I realized that no one was trapping me but myself. I was trapped by my pride. I was trapped by my fear.
This is true of so many people. How many stick out shitty jobs in the name of being responsible? How many deny their dreams because they are afraid of what people would think? How many do what is expected because they are terrified of public opinion? How many confuse cowardice with NICE?
Here at my current job, there is a guy everyone describes as a //tortured writer//. Why is he tortured? Because hes been working this shit job for years rather than writing. He hates himself for it. Why doesnt he quit and write? Why doesnt he walk out that fucking door TODAY?
I dont know. But everyone agrees: hes a NICE guy.
I used to be such a nice guy.
--Fight Club
That line from Fight Club keeps running through my head lately. I feel the same. Throughout my life, Ive always been described as NICE. What happened?
Eventually, I got sick of being nice. I got sick of living according to other peoples priorities. I got sick of overbearing bosses. I got sick of feeling trapped. The break came about three years ago... I decided I preferred bliss to popularity. I realized that no one was trapping me but myself. I was trapped by my pride. I was trapped by my fear.
This is true of so many people. How many stick out shitty jobs in the name of being responsible? How many deny their dreams because they are afraid of what people would think? How many do what is expected because they are terrified of public opinion? How many confuse cowardice with NICE?
Here at my current job, there is a guy everyone describes as a //tortured writer//. Why is he tortured? Because hes been working this shit job for years rather than writing. He hates himself for it. Why doesnt he quit and write? Why doesnt he walk out that fucking door TODAY?
I dont know. But everyone agrees: hes a NICE guy.
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